Heather Graham and Bridget Moynahan Suck Face

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Rollergirl does a terrible job of acting like she hasn’t kissed a girl before because she and I both know that’s not the case. She has every shade of my lipstick all over her poster on my wall, and there’s no concealing that evidence, baby. You may not know this, but I invented Valentine’s Day, and the actual definition is, “A day set aside for hot girls to tongue kiss each other which should eventually lead to sex with each other.” Ugly girls need love, too, but that’s why I invented Halloween.