Cameron Diaz is Big in Japan

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Cameron Diaz was paid $3 million by a Japanese cell phone company to appear in her third thirty second commercial for SoftBank. In case this didn’t make you ball up your first, be aware that Cameron only worked for six hours.

In the commercial, Diaz, 34, wears as super-short bright-green dress and high heels and talks on her mobile phone on what appears to be a New York City street. The actress is so absorbed in her phone conversation she seems to be oblivious to the fact that a movie featuring aliens, pirates, cowboys and mobsters, is being filmed around her.”

My grandpa still doesn’t like talking about the Japanese, and when I told him about this, he said we should bomb them again. Don’t get me wrong, he means well, but he’s old and doesn’t realize that the Japanese aren’t in to suicide bombings anymore. They’re in to violent porn, Godzilla and Pokemon. Cameron Diaz looks like an underwater anime creature, so I can see why those guys would like her. But $3 million seems a bit much. I wouldn’t pay Cameron Diaz $3 million to kill herself. And I really, really, really want her to kill herself. I even wrote Santa a letter about it once, but then the FBI came to my house and gave me some speech. Hey look, whatever man.

Cameron at LAX a few weeks ago: