Kim Kardashian Needs More Attention

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Kim Kardashian, who has repeatedly denied the existence of a reported sex tape starring her and R&B singer, Ray J, has now confessed that not only does the tape exist, but there is more than one. She says:

Have there been tapes? Maybe, yes. But are they for sale? No. Not for sale. That’s our business…I’m not poor; I’m not desperate. I would never attempt to sell a tape. It would humiliate me and ruin my family. I have two successful businesses, and I don’t need the money.”

Sweetie, seriously, either release the tape or shut up. I don’t know how getting pissed on could ever make someone famous, but you managed to pull it off, so release the tape, make your millions, and go away. And please don’t tell us how much it would ruin your family name. When contacted from the grave about the sex tape, your father said, “Look, I defended O.J. Simpson, so anything she could do would really help me out.”

Kim Kardashian and “Farnsworth Bentley” (Derek Watkins) on February 2nd: