Fergie is Neither

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Fergie is in Miami as part Pepsi’s Super Bowl Smash, where she announced to reporters the news that nobody the world was waiting for – she’s not engaged to or impregnated by her boyfriend, Josh Duhamel.

I’ve heard that I’ve been engaged probably about seven times, and pregnant, but I’ve never been either. Sorry to disappoint.”

I don’t know about the reporters, but I can say for a fact that Josh’s penis isn’t disappointed. Mainly because it can’t understand why his owner is three years older than Fergie yet Fergie looks like his grandmother. My penis also wants to know why all of Fergie’s songs are about how every guy wants to fuck her, when it’s clear she’s some sort of undead monster. While I was typing this he said, “Seriously, she knows she looks like that, right? I mean, she has to. Come on, dude. Really? Damn.”