Anne Hathaway Likes Girls … a Lot

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This blind item piece of gossip recently appeared in Page Six of The New York Post: “This actress was always the goody goody. She has worked hard to change that image by doing less family friendly films and making sure to wear enough see through dresses on the red carpet. She wanted to lose the squeaky clean image to get better roles, but also to sell the idea that she was sexy and desirable to men. She has no desire for men, just wants the world to perceive her as a sex symbol. Everything was going according to plan until her last movie for which there were raves. There she met another actress and love was in the air. They were inseparable for the entire shoot and even got an apartment to share. Once filming ended, our actress decided to end the relationship for fear it would damage her career. The new lover who has been quietly out for sometime and is quite the scene stealer thinks our actress should get smart and stop pretending and start living.”

Most people would assume that this is about Jessica Biel, because they are jealous of what we have together, but the general consensus is that it’s Anne Hathaway. Although this kills the myth that gayness doesn’t strike twice (her brother is also gay), this makes her officially not boring. The “new lover” is supposedly either quietly out Heather Matarazzo (this sexy beast) who Hathaway met on The Princess Diaries movies or Emily Blunt from The Devil Wears Prada. According to IMDb, Matarazzo and Hathaway “still call each other frequently and hope to be friends for the rest of their lives.” Blunt calls Hathaway “her rock” and is “dating” singer Michael Buble. For the love of God, please let it be Emily Blunt, because you couldn’t smoke enough weed to understand why Anne Hathaway would let Dawn Weiner go down on her. It must’ve been some kind of trick. Like the time my Chemistry teacher told me it would only be gay if I was on the bottom. Turns out he was just saying that.

About the “see through dresses” (NSFW):

Emily Blunt, Michael Buble and Anne Hathaway at a The Devil Wears Prada premiere: