Golden Globe Stuff

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I was at the club recovering from my appendectomy that night, so I missed the Golden Globes again this year. It may be because my coffee maker is broken, but everybody seemed to look pretty decent. Damn.

Jessica Biel automatically gets 50 points taken off her final grade because she didn’t do that thing where she sticks her butt out. The rest of her doesn’t even matter anymore. She’s like Jennifer Lopez with a nice ass.

As much as I hate this self-righteous brat Evangeline Lilly looks pretty damn hot here. She’s supposed to be engaged, but I’m not seeing an engagement ring or a fiance. Engagement rings aren’t supposed to be yellow. Maybe he told her that’s the one ring to rule them all. He’s so romantic!

Hayden Panettiere looks cute showing off the belt she made in art class with seashells and glue. At the after party she ate a Lunchable and made a birthday card for her hamster.

This makes the two-hundred billionth picture in a row that proves Salma Hayek is still one of the hottest pieces of ass in Hollywood. It’s impossible for her to look bad. She could kill my grandparents in front of me and I’d still ask her if she had any plans later. You know, because I know of this little place…