Penelope Cruz Will Have a Good Year

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I really don’t know how the exact saying goes, but I’ve heard that whatever you’re doing on New Year’s Eve and New Years, you’ll be doing the rest of the year. If I’m Penelope Cruz’s boyfriend and I’m looking at that banner picture, I hope that’s true. These pictures of Penelope Cruz instantly get bonus points, but you can’t hear her talk. When Salma Hayek talks I feel like riding to her house on a white horse and a rose in my teeth. When Penelope talks she sounds like that retarded Mexican kid, Mario, who used to get a bloody nose all the time from playing dodgeball when I was in 5th grade. She would be one of the hottest women in Hollywood if they figured out a way to remove her vocal cords and replace them with someone else’s. I’d rather hear Optimus Prime talk dirty to me that this chick.

Note: Detail sweating time – the one in the black bikini is supposedly Penelope’s easier, sluttier sister. Those are my favorite.