Tom Cruise Wore a Girdle

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Tommy, baby, don’t think you’re off the hook because Britney Spears’ crotch has dominated the gossip world this week. We still have room to make fun of you. And call you fat.

About Tom Cruise’s wedding costume:

The ‘Top Gun’ star is said to be a nervous eater and put on so much weight in the run up to his wedding to Katie Holmes he needed some help getting into his Armani suit. According to US gossip columnist Janet Charlton, a source at Armani said: “Tom packed on around twenty pounds in the past few months before the big event. He says he’s a ‘nervous eater’. “When Tom arrived in Rome, we hear thaView the profile for Katie Holmes on Celebrity Spotlightt Giorgio Armani was apoplectic because the wedding tux was too small. Armani personally tended to all the fittings while Tom’s pants were let out and various details were adjusted. The source added: “Tom wanted to look svelte so he didn’t protest when Giorgio suggested girdling Tom’s midsection so the jacket would fall properly. The corset was sewn into Tom’s undergarment.”

Where I come from, they call that “squeezing 10 pounds of shit in a 5 pound sack.” They also call that “gay.”

Here’s the pig nosed waif at Tom and Katie’s wedding. It’s like somebody deflated Saturn and painted it black.