The 2006 AMAs Were Last Night

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The 2006 AMAs were so far on the cutting edge of music that The Black Eyed Peas and Kelly Clarkson were your big winners. Awesome. I didn’t know they had categories for not being able to rhyme and eating cake. Too bad I missed it!

Britney Spears was the presenter last night of the Best Female Soul/R&B artist award and her boobs. Man, she sure is laying it on a little thick lately. She’s only been spotted in drive-thrus the last three years and now she’s everywhere. When asked why he couldn’t attend, Kevin Federline said he read the bus schedule wrong.

Ashlee Simpson came as a raccoon. For about two seconds a couple of months ago I thought she was getting hot, but there are still too many things wrong with her face. It doesn’t help that her plastic surgeon needs Michael J. Fox to help him keep his hand steady.

Seriously, Paris Hilton should just go ahead and get an eye patch.

Dude, JoJo is 15. Calm down. I know her handlers tried to hussy her up as best as they could, but it’s hard to be sexy when you still have your baby teeth. Better luck next time, honey.

I’ve tried to give Nelly Furtado the benefit of the doubt because so many people like her, but she always looks like she’s about to go trick or treating. Nice look, darling. I’ve seen better wigs on cancer patients.