The 2006 AMAs Were Last Night. Again.

Wow, dressing like a 1980s coke whore is never a good idea. Michelle Pfeiffer couldn’t even pull it off in Scarface. And comparing a 1980s Michelle Pfieffer to a 2006 Gwen Stefani is like comparing an Aston Martin to a wagon being pulled by a turtle. Jesus, Gwen looks fucking ridiculous. Gavin Rossdale is only smiling because he’s crying on the inside.

Carmen Electra showed up looking like a gorgeous Fergie. In short, she looked awful. These are probably the worst pictures I’ve ever seen of Carmen Electra, which is pretty good since there are twenty billion pictures of her online. Not so much for Fergie. Trying to find a good picture of her is like trying to find a body buried under a lake.

Carrie Underwood’s outfit may need a lot of things, but what it doesn’t need is under wire. There shouldn’t be three feet between your boobs and your dress when you’re wearing it. I could tape gummy LifeSavers to my chest and fill out a dress better than Carrie Underwood.

Beyonce always looks the same. Never that good and never that bad. If you were really hungry, Beyonce would be a gas station hot dog. She’s pretty I guess. I mean, I’d masturbate to her, but only if I didn’t have to run any errands or finish any laundry.