Oprah Got Dissed

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Tom Cruise didn’t invite Oprah Winfrey to his wedding to Katie “Kate” Holmes. Rather than jumping on Tom’s couch and and sucking up his valuable time with crazy crap, Oprah said, “Tom Cruise is a teeny tiny, little, big, gay dude who done jacked up my couch with his crusty shoes and if I see his high heeled wearin’ ass … I’m gonna beat it.”

Just kidding.

Oprah is really quoted as saying:

It’s not that I’m not going, It’s that they had a limited number of people that they could invite. I was not one of the invitees. That’s fine. I don’t get invited to everyone’s wedding. I don’t invite them to everything I do. But I wish them the best.” She continues, “I have a great deal of regard for their relationship and so I’m trying to think of what to get them.”

Always the classy one taking the high road, that Oprah. I think Oprah should be the Maid of Honor and Matt Lauer the Best Man at Tom and “Kate”‘s wedding. And the cake should be a poop cake which has the words, “This Marriage is Bullshit.” written all over it. But I’m no wedding planner. And Jennifer Lopez isn’t either, dammit.

Katie Holmes shopping at Barney’s on November 8th: