Michael Jackson Likes Leprechauns

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After a brief stay in the Middle East following his self-imposed exile from the United States after being acquitted on sex charges, Michael Jackson has reportedly fell in love with Ireland and is possibly planning to buy a castle. He also wants to open a leprechaun-inspired theme park.

Michael is deadly serious about this idea,” a source told Ireland’s Daily Mirror. “He loves the whole idea of leprechauns and the magic and myths of Ireland. It would cost around 500 million Euros [about $635 million] to do. He’s always wanted to open his own theme park and he thinks Ireland is the perfect place and it will all be built around the leprechaun theme.”

This sounds like a perfect idea for Michael Jackson and little kids. Not so much for the leprechauns. You see, in real life “leprechauns” are dwarfs in costumes. Dwarfs are small, like little kids. So, basically, Michael Jackson wants to create a place where he’s surrounded by “kids” who are on the payroll. “Kids” who can drink legally. Not good. Maybe the IRA will put a car bomb in his hyperbaric chamber before this gets out of hand, because the “Molest me, I’m Irish!” t-shirts are sure to go fast.

Here’s Christina Aguilera since she’s not Michael Jackson’s type: