Steve-O Didn’t Do It For the Nookie

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Steve-O and Bam Margera hit the Howard Stern show on Tuesday to promote Jackass: Number Two. Among the many topics covered was Steve-O’s fling with Nicole Richie. Steve-O admitted he never had sex with Nicole, but did masturbate on her and pretty much just used her to get his picture in the tabloids and celebrity weeklies. He said:

She had her back to me,” he said, “and she was dead asleep when I rubbed the first one out. I was, like, trying to wake her up when I was rubbing one out … and ultimately I squeezed her hard enough the second two times she was totally awake. She never rolled over to face me.” Far from being offended by this total rejection however, Steve-O said he was grateful she was even there. “I was being so careful not to offend her in any way because I wanted to be in those tabloid magazines! loved it!” he continues. “She said, ‘I just broke off an engagement,’ and the truth is she wanted some publicity for something other than being skinny. It was a big publicity stunt. She would come pick me up. I don’t drive. I think she called the paparazzi too. These muther effers were coming from all directions. I’m even giving interviews to the video paparazzi, and I thought this is the kind of scrutiny I WANT to be under. I want to be in the tabloids! I fuckin’ loved it. I have no hard feelings. I don’t think she has any hard feelings for me.”

I don’t have a penis … not on me, anyway, but if I did, I imagine it wouldn’t get hard when I looked at Nicole Richie’s spine, ribcage and bony ass while she slept next to me. I mean, I totally understand the necrophilia thing, but corpses with skin on them? That’s just gross.

Nicole going to her veterinarian appointment the other day: