Being a Sports Illustrated and a Victoria’s Secret model pretty much guarantees hotness, so I’m surprised Petra Nemcova hasn’t been on here before. Maybe it’s because she’s dating James Blunt. Which is strange, because during the Thailand tsunami, Petra suffered a broken pelvis and internal injuries. Yet, she managed to hold on to the top of a palm tree for eight hours until she was rescued. James Blunt looks like he’d run down the street if he saw a bee. After dealing with this pansy, she’ll be powerless against my Southern charm and my prized stamp collection.
Petra at the 3rd Annual Fashion Rocks on September 8th:
More pictures of Petra because I just couldn’t stop myself (NSFW):
petra-nemcova
15 Stupidest Superhero Names In Comic Books
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15. Bouncing Boy
First Appearance: Action Comics #276. May 1961 Created By: Jerry Siegel, Jim Mooney
Powers: Inflates himself to look like a ball and then bounces places.Nothing like disguising “let’s make fun of fat kids” by attempting to give them superpowers. The Blob had yet to be invented and the Legion of Super-Heroes apparently had an open door policy, so DC Comics gave them the fat kid who could bounce. Not only is his power lame and his name stupid, but Bouncing Boy got his powers accidentally drinking a superplastic formula he thought was soda. So the fat kid with fat kid powers got them from being quick to suck down a soda. Nice DC, very nice.
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14. Robin
First Appearance: Detective Comics #38. 1940
Created By: Bob Kane, Bill Finger, Jerry Robinson Powers: Martial Arts, Gymnastics, Detective Skills.The problems with an underage sidekick to a billionaire vigilante are pretty obvious, and why the Gotham City Police haven’t arrested Batman for child endangerment is beyond me. That aside, Robin is a stupid name for anybody trying to drum up fear in criminals. “Oh no! The worm-eating colorful bird that announces spring has decided to go after me. Whatever shall I do?” It doesn’t even make sense from an animal kingdom standpoint. Bats and robins don’t hang out and they certainly don’t join forces to do battle.
P.S.: It makes it worse when you make it Red Robin because everybody out there thinks “Yummmmmm” whenever they read or hear the name.
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13. Super Moby Dick of Space
First Appearance: Action Comics #332. 1938
Created By: Unknown
Powers: The Size Of Five Spaceships, Can Travel Through Space At Hyper-Speeds. The More It Eats The Larger It Gets. Can Transform One Type Of Energy Into Another.I suppose the folks at DC thought Space Whale would be too stupid. Perhaps they were trying to turn kids on to literature. Whatever the reason, somebody over at the DC offices decided, after several shots I’m assuming, to pit the Legion Of Super-Heroes up against a giant space whale that was…..wait for it……interrupting Space Shipping. My question here is why “Super”? Was there a Standard Moby Dick Of Space? Why Space? Wouldn’t a giant whale flying through space indicate it was from space? So many questions involved with this flying mammal and dedicated nemesis of space shipping.
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12. Nightcrawler
First Appearance: Giant Sized X-Men #1. 1975
Created By: Len Wein, Dave Cockrum
Powers: Teleportation, Enhanced Night Vision, Superhuman Agility, Sticks To Walls.I realize that Nightcrawler is a beloved character but, seriously, the name is stupid. Why give somebody with some of the most kickass powers in the mutant universe a name that’s usually meant for worms and bugs? Why give this powerhouse of mutant ability a name that’s commonly associated with fishing? Seems like Shadow Crawler might have been a better name. Even if you hate that one, you have to admit Nightcrawler is akin to calling him Worm Guy or Roach Man or even worse, The Fish Lure Kid.
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11. Paste Pot Pete
First Appearance: Strange Tales #104. 1963
Created By: Stan Lee, Jack Kirby
Powers: Chemistry Genius, Adhesive Or Lubricant Projection, Wall CrawlingEven the genius of Jack Kirby and Stan Lee runs amok at times. Paste-Pot Pete was a villain that tried to go up against the Human Torch using his ability to “project lubricant”. Really? Project lubricant? Does this guy also have a white van with no windows and collection of drugged juices and soda?
Paste-Pot Pete is either the nickname given to a special-needs kid by the bullies in the neighborhood, or he’s a stoner who has developed the most powerful weed known to man. So powerful it’s actually a paste. How much does this name suck? Enough that the character changes his alter ego to The Trapster in Fantastic Four #38.
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10. Brother Voodoo
First Appearance: Strange Tales #169
Created By: Len Wein, Gene Colan
Powers: Fire Manipulation, Mystic Smoke, Superhuman Strength, PossessionSo you are one of the baddest sorcerers ever. In fact, you’re so awesome that Doctor Strange himself picks you to take over as the Sorcerer Supreme. With all that going for you, why would you pick a name that sounds like a Dolemite villain? Was Funky Ass Witch Doctor already taken? Perhaps Brother Smooth Mystic was too on the nose?
I realize this was the '70s, but whenever I hear the name Brother Voodoo, all I can think of is “Shut your mouth! But I’m talkin’ ‘bout Brother Voodoo! Well we can dig it”. Brother Voodoo sounds like Isaac Hayes’ follow up to Black Moses, not a cool superhero name.
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9. Doorman
First Appearance: Avengers West Coast #46. 1989
Created By: John Byrne
Powers: Portal Generation. Ability To Bring Souls To The AfterlifeThe House of Ideas hit a serious bankrupt run with this guy. Doorman? That was the best they could do? Granted, Portal Generation really meant Doorman could take you from one room to the other, but any hero that makes an Avengers team, even the Great Lakes Avengers, deserves a real name.
Doorman is a guy who denies people into fancy nightclubs, or holds the door for Mrs. Bernstein from the 9th floor and her pug Mr. Happy Dance. Doorman drinks alone and hates his life. I suppose Doorman’s greatest nemesis is The Superintendent or Snarky Rich Kid From The Eleventh Floor. Come ON John Byrne, you can do better than this!
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8. 3-D Man
First Appearance: Marvel Premiere #35. 1977
Created By: Roy Thomas, Jim Craig
Powers: Ability To Sense Skrulls. Enhanced Durability. Enhanced Speed & StrengthEverything is 3D. So this is more of a physical description of our multicolored hero than a superhero name. It would be the same as having a hero named U Can Touch Me or Eyesight Lets Me See Man.
I also find it interesting that 3D Man has no inter-dimensional powers. He can sense Skrulls. How? I’m assuming by putting on special cardboard glasses with red and blue lenses that make Skrulls seem “like, right in front of you dude!”
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7. Thor Girl
First Appearance: Thor Vol 2 #22. 2000
Created By: Dan Jurgens, John Romita JR
Powers: Asgardian strength. The Chalice Of Ruins, Limitless Cosmic Power.Last time I checked, Thor was Thor’s name. It wasn’t a surname, nom de plume or alter ego. Thor is named Thor because Odin named him Thor. Same as a dad names his kid Bill or Rick or Peter. Imagine if your name was Paul and you had a sister named Paul-Girl. It would make life in your neighborhood uncomfortable for sure.
With the wide breadth of creative talent circling Marvel Comics, nobody could come up with anything better than Thor-Girl? Why not just stick with her given name Tarene? Who thought Thor-Girl would be a winning idea?
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6. Negasonic Teenage Warhead
First Appearance: New X-Men #115. 2001
Created By: Grant Morrison, Frank Quitely
Powers: Precognition, TelepathyNegasonic Teenage Warhead is just a stupid sounding name. Unless you’re a Japanese anime show about a teenage girl who unleashes nuclear destruction if she gets too angry. Naming a girl after a metal song is fine (she’s named after a Monster Magnet jam), but pick one that isn’t stupid.
Angel Of Death, Starlady, Phantom Lord, even Bolt Thrower (a band not a song) would work better than Negasonic Teenage Warhead. It almost sounds like a sports bar’s attempt to name hot wings.
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5. Fruit Boy
First Appearance: Legion Of Super-Heroes Vol 5 #38.
Created By: Unknown
Powers: Can Accelerate The Growth Of FruitOutside of the many, many, tasteless jokes that can come from this name, including cracks on a team up featuring Fruit Boy and Leather Boy, this is a prime example of a silly power made worse through a rotten name (see what I did there?). The power to accelerate the growth and rotting of fruit is stupid, but when it comes packaged in a name like Fruit Boy, there’s no chance of it succeeding.
Why not The Rotten One or Plant Lad or Chrysophyllum Albidum (White Star Apple)? At least these sound good, and maybe poor Fruit Boy could have proved himself a vital member of the Legion instead of being laughed out of the room. You never know when you’ll have to trick an arch nemesis with a fruit basket that goes rotten quickly.
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4. Kid Miracleman
First Appearance: Marvelman #102 (UK). Miracleman #1 (US) 1955
Created By: Mick Anglo
Powers: Strength, speed, invulnerability. Can survive being in space. High intelligence. Can cause thunderclaps. Energy blasts, flight, Telepathy, Laser-Vision.As badass as these powers are, the real strength in Kid Miracleman is his ability to confuse his foes. He’s a kid! No, wait, he’s a man! But he’s a kid, but he’s also a man. A kid man? A man child? A miracle of both kid and man? AGGGHH I can’t take it, arrest me and let me rot in prison.
What’s key here is that Kid Miracle would work just as well. Why add 'man?' Why actually create and oxymoronic name for a superhero? It’s a miracle! No, wait…..
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3. The Whizzer
First Appearance: Avenges #70. 1969
Created By: Roy Thomas, Sal Buscema
Powers: Superhuman speed and reflexes.THE WHIZZER!! Pissing all over evildoers and relieving himself in the name of justice! Marvel’s answer to The Flash began his career with one of the stupidest names in comic history. The Whizzer? Why not The Pissah?
Tired of people waiting for the urine stream of justice to start flowing, Marvel changed his name to Speed Demon in Amazing Spider-Man #222. Too bad, I was hoping The Whizzer would do battle with the BM Dude or Fecal Lad or perhaps Commode Joe.
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2. Arm Fall Off Boy
First Appearance: Secret Origins Vol 2 #46. 1989
Created By: Unknown
Powers: Can remove his limbs and use them as clubs.I don’t even have to make a joke here. Arm Fall Off Boy? It sounds like an emo band formed by kids who worshiped Fall Out Boy. Good thing his name doesn’t announce his one power and allow villains to prepare for it. How do you beat Arm Fall Off Boy? You stay just out of reach of his ripped off arm, or you wait until he rips his leg off and tips over.
There must have been a nice wave of good scotch and prime weed flowing through DC Comics the day this “hero” was born.
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1. Matter Eater Lad
First Appearance: Adventure Comics #303
Created By: Jerry Siegel, John Forte
Powers: Can bite through and consume all forms of matter.There was no way this name wasn’t going to take the cake. It doesn’t even sound good. Not Matter Man or The Consumer or Matter Eater Guy. Nope, he is stuck with being a lad. Ugh, who wants to be a lad? Especially a lad that eats matter all day.
With this power, I’m surprised his ass isn’t shredded from the multiple matter-formed poops he takes. Metal, boulders, steel, anything like that can be consumed by Matter Eater Lad. I know how bad it hurts after spicy Mexican, I can’t imagine the toilet adventures Matter Eater Lad endures.
Even if a writer could make his power something useful during a fight, the name will always sound idiotic.
