MTV Video Music Awards Were Last Night

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It’s physically impossible for Christina Aguilera not to be sexy. She could read me my last rites and I could still only manage just to masturbate.

Jennifer Lopez may have a fat ass, but why don’t I think her husband has any car insurance? Any why does she look like she wants to steal my dalmations?

As much as I hate to say it, this is the best Brooke Hogan has looked maybe ever. Without all the spackled on makeup that she usually wears, she looks pretty decent here. Especially since she has a dick.

Since she’s gotten out, the “Lil” part in “Lil Kim” is now clearly meant to be ironic, so I’m a little concerned about what she did in prison. Did they really let her wrap her pies in bacon? Either that, or she just took off a ninja mask filled with bees.

I have no idea why Maria Menounos is famous. I know she talks into a microphone and sometimes she does a shampoo commercial, but all you really need to know is that she has a great rack and looks like she’s maybe 5’2″ in heels. The word your looking for right now is “spinner”.