Madonna Will Save the World

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Madonna has been lobbying the British government and the nuclear industry in an effort to rid the world of nuclear waste. This sounds like a noble idea and a grand crusade, until you realize that Madonna’s big plan starts with scientists using “magical” Kabbalah fluid. Needless to say, everyone thinks she’s an idiot.

It was like a crank call . . . the scientific mechanisms and principles were just bollocks, basically,” one official told the Times. “She relentlessly pursued people,” according to a former civil servant. She wanted to get this Russian scientist to explain this to civil servants.”

Madonna, on the other hand, had this to say, presumably while she was on a cross:

I can write the greatest songs and make the most fabulous films and be a fashion icon and conquer the world, but if there isn’t a world to conquer, what’s the point?”

I’m not a scientist, but trying to rid the world of nuclear waste with a bottle of Kabbalah water would be a few spots down on my list of things to do. Probably just below stopping global warming by chewing Dentyne Ice or curing the world’s poverty by trading my cow for some magic beans.

Madonna and Guy on August 16th: