Colin Farrell is a Stud

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After meeting Colin Farrell on the set of Woody Allen’s new movie, a woman says she had sex with the Irish actor less than an hour after meeting him. Much to her surprise, he sucked. The woman, Angelique Jerome, Woody Allen’s former nanny and current French model, says Farrell didn’t exactly blow her mind. She says:

He was enthusiastic and athletic. He was so keen to have me, he didn’t want to wear any protection. He just said, ‘It’ll be OK, it’ll be OK’. But for all his ardour, it was like he was reading from a text book, lurching from one position to another…We made love three times but the actual sex only lasted 10 minutes in total…I kept having to fake orgasms – one, two, three – to keep him happy and let him keep his dignity. It seemed the polite thing to do…And he was always looking me in the eye. I found that rather off-putting, as if I were some kind of school project. It was too clinical. He didn’t at all come across as a sex god who had slept with countless woman. If I didn’t know better, I could almost have thought it was his first time.”

Yikes. Portraying yourself as the Casanova of Hollywood then finishing in your pants as soon as you see a naked girl is not good. Having her tell the world that you suck worse than Terry Schiavo in bed when the illusion of you being a beast in the sack is part of your inferred appeal is even worse. I’m not sure how Colin will get through this, but I’m sure it will involve lying under a pile of models or waking up every day still knowing that he has a 250% chance of getting laid before his second cigarette. I really don’t think this is fair either. Not to brag, but I can last at most, five minutes, but I still have to lure strippers to my house with pictures of their loved ones in blindfolds.

Colin on August 3rd:


Update: Here is a picture of Angelique Jerome (via ExploreTalent). Thanks to Adam and Allan for the heads up!