Jessica Biel Was Sold

At the fundraising event “Mollypalooza“, held in Denver on Tuesday night, a local businessman won the date with Jessica Biel with a bid of $30,000. All totalled, the event raised $38,000 to assist in covering medical expenses for Molly Bloom, a Denver teen who lost her leg and part of her pelvis after the Hummer stretch limousine she rented with friends drove off as she was climbing inside. The car ran over her left leg, then dragged her nearly 40 feet.

Denver media reported the winning bid Tuesday came from a man identified only as John…The young man in a dark, striped suit, with close-cropped hair who was wearing a white tie outbid another young man’s bid of $23,500…”I’m a senior vice president for an oil and gas company in Denver,” the News quoted him as saying after he was brought up to the stage.

This John guy may feel comfortable by putting an arbitrary price on love, but far be it from me to place a dollar amount on what Jessica and I have together. My attorneys keep telling me it’s $400 an hour plus expenses, but I only have time to focus on things that are truly important. Like her ass and the code to her security system.

Jessica at the Giffoni International Children’s Film Festival on July 19th: