Jessica Simpson is a Bitch

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Great smelling reader, Lily, wrote in to tell us about her roommate’s experience with not so great smelling Jessica Simpson. Lily’s roommate works at the hotel where Jessica was staying while she was selling Operation Smile in Washington DC. She said when cameras weren’t around, Jessica Simpson was not at all friendly to anyone at the hotel. She also says,

…she sure didn’t put any smiles on the faces of the employees at the Marriott where she and her family and entourage stayed. No one in her group bothered to let the hotel know she would be bringing her dog, Daisy. When she left the Presidential suite where she stayed, the maids found Daisy’s poop all over the suite, even in the closets.

My temptation to open a five star hotel is even stronger now. We’ll have a strict, written in extremely fine print policy which allows us to punish people like Jessica. According to this policy, I’d be allowed to snatch her by her hair weave and shove her nose in her dog’s poop while I smack her ass with a rolled up newspaper. Then I’m allowed to give her ex-husband a blowjob while she watches, and drop kick her off the Presidential Suite’s balcony. All without being subject to lawsuit. Some may say this punishment might be a tad harsh, but you catch more bees with vinegar, my friends.

Jessica April 10th in Sydney. Nice sunglasses, tard. Do they make windshield wipers for those stupid things?