The Mystery And Romance Of Rock ‘N Roll Is Dead And Buried
Photo: Evening Standard/Getty Images
Rock ‘n roll may not be dead (close), but the romance of it sure as hell is, thanks to modern technology.
Not that long ago, kids would daydream their schoolday away wondering what their music idols were up to. Were they taking chain-smoking cigarettes around a musty studio, conjuring up inspired riffs and God-given solos of potentially the greatest songs ever to be heard? Now, instead of wondering what Keith Richards is up to, we can just look on Twitter and know instantly, removing any mystery, effort or anticipation.
At least we have these guys: Ranking the 10 Best Live Drum Solos Recorded in Rock History
Softy Posts From Hard Asses
There is nothing more heartbreaking than seeing one of the oldest and most defining rock stars of your youth showing photos of himself glamping. The only way it could be worse is if it were an Instagram story where he takes a video selfie of himself dancing whilst glamping to "Dancing in the Streets."
Nothing more candy ass than a grown man who wears ass-less leather chaps and makeup on occasion that retweets another grown up. It may be the state of technology, but a rock star of this magnitude should know better. Who's doing their PR?
Mood Status Update
Even Ozzy Osbourne can't make his "vibes" with a #throwbackthursday look cool. Why would anybody else bother to try? Of course, photos are about the only way he can express himself now, considering nobody can understand the man.
Public Apologies About Your Private Apologies
Public apologies for the norm in a time when everyone is offended. Not only does the most badass living guitarist have to apologize to his bandmate, but he has to let the world know he did it.
More with the apologies. These guys are brothers; they're supposed to hate one another, especially publicly. If they got along, it would be so boring.
Verbal Ass Kissing
Social media is the perfect way to spot a passing rock star. It's also a great way to hump their leg from a distance without things getting (too) awkward. Oh, it's awkward, Harry!
When artists can use their pedestal for social movement and change, that's great. When you're an artist who only talks about politics and shoves it down everyone's throat instead of making music, but still expect people to buy tickets to the show, that's just rude.
Kicking a Dead Horse
Photo: via NPR
Even two years after his death, people are still running Prince's name into the ground for the amount of drugs he had in his system. It's Prince. Of course he had drugs in his system. Why does that matter? He's gone. Put on Purple Rain and shut up.
F Your Birthday
Nobody cares about your birthdays, especially if you're the bassist. And even more especially if you're in U2.
...Now That's More Like It
Now that's more like it, but maybe if we banned these guys from social media, or at least from tweeting, that would help revive the romance of rock 'n roll. At least until they find a better word than "tweeting," am I right?