The Hideous Sonic Fan Art Creations We Need to See in Sonic Forces
Sega has intentionally and openly made a plea to furries to buy their new Sonic game. Though they may not have explicitly let it be known that they want furries to buy Sonic Forces, there is no other way to explain why there is a now a “custom hero” mode in the game, allowing players to create their own Sonic the Hedgehog characters. You rarely see a character creation mode in other platforming series, so yes, I’m certain that this mode was introduced with Sega being completely cognizant of the overwhelming amount of Sonic furry porn available on the internet, and was created with the specific intention of luring those people into buying their new Sonic game.
With this move, Sega is now complicit in the overwhelming amount of Sonic furry porn that is available online. The Rule 34 meme, which states that there is porn for every conceivable subject online, should have an additional bullet point that reads: “Especially if Sonic the Hedgehog is involved.” For example, I’ve just Googled ‘Sonic fan art’ and have been immediately confronted by the image of an uncharacteristically muscular Sonic running through Green Hill Zone barefoot, with what appears to be a tiny lion wearing a red sweater and jeans attached to the heel of his bare foot. There’s nothing overtly sexual about this image, but as a man who has unwillingly seen his fair share of Sonic porn over the years, trust me when I say that yeah, this is absolutely a sex thing.
Despite previously not being too interested in Sonic Forces, I am now definitely intrigued to see what the, err, “unique” Sonic fan art community will do with its character creation suite. Though I shouldn’t imagine it’ll be robust enough to accommodate some of their more off-the-wall ideas, there are bound to be some perverse monstrosities that emerge from the feature. With that being said, here are the Sonic fan art creations that I need to see recreated in Sonic Forces:
We’re going to start off strong here with this wide-lipped, cuboid-headed Sonic. While this wouldn’t really fit in with Sonic Forces‘ general aesthetic, considering that Sega has been pushing the whole classic Sonic and modern Sonic angle for the game, what about introducing this fella as the postmodern Sonic?
His giant, floating head could interrupt key moments during the game, with his inconceivable Lovecraftian form reminding Sonic & friends of the futility of their existence every now and again. Floating head Sonic wouldn’t be a playable character so much as a concept, permeating Sonic Forces with a sense of hopelessness throughout, letting regular Sonic know that no matter how many times he defeats the Eggman, he’s still trapped in a game… and that game is life.
When you look beyond the fact that Raul is a hedgehog yet has somehow been allowed to pursue further education, another suspicious thing about this guy is that despite claiming to be 19 years old, he quite clearly has the musculature of a man well into his twenties. I don’t care how much you lift, Raul, I simply refuse to believe that you’ve achieved those biceps naturally at your age. I sense that Knuckles will request that this guy has a piss test before he’s legally allowed to roll with the rest of the gang.
Raul appears to be heavily committed to tribal tattoos, and the addition of the skater chain indicates that he has yet to leave the early noughties. Also, after having no recollection of a character in the Sonic series called Sakura, I performed a quick Google search and found several fan fiction pieces featuring her and learned that she was created by the Sonic fan art community, and is apparently the cousin of a character called Chris.
Sonic fans have enough imagination to create a whole sub-section of their furry fetish devoted to Sonic being impregnated by Tails (yes that is really a thing, and no I’m not linking out to it), yet couldn’t stretch the boundaries of that imagination to incorporate a character with a slightly more exotic name than Chris.
Paul the Hedgehog
There’s so much Sonic fan art available online that if you go to Google, type your name and then “the hedgehog” you’ll likely receive your very own personal Sonic character. That’s what I did to be greeted by “Paul the Hedgehog” over here, who has clearly had very minimal effort put into his design (he’s literally a color palette swap of an image of Sonic in Sonic Riders), but at the very least has his own backstory.
In the little cartoon to the left of the illustration of our good friend Paul, you can see what appears to be a levitating orange rabbit bellowing that he’s the “Real Original,” while a bemused Paul asks: “Why are you flying… and a Genisis?” Now I have no idea what this sentence means, but I do feel that Paul the Hedgehog and I are kindred spirits in the sense that I, too, would ask this rabbit why he’s flying. It’s a pretty pertinent question, and I’m glad that Paul was the one who asked it.
There was also this guy, though I imagine there would be some copyright laws against including him in the game:
Googled "Paul the Hedgehog" to get an idea of who I should create in Sonic Forces. Looking forward to giving this guy a shot: pic.twitter.com/yMbbuqCoYW
— Paul Tamburro (@PaulTamburro) May 17, 2017
These pregnant squirrels
Pregnancy’s a big thing in the Sonic fan art community. If it’s not Tails knocking Sonic up, then Amy’s pregnant, Knuckles is with child or one of the other various, less important members of the Sonic family are up the duff. With pregnancy clearly being quite popular in the Sonic community for reasons unknown to us mere non-furries, I’d argue that Sonic Forces‘ custom hero tools should allow players to create their own pregnant characters, complete with the various complications that come with pregnancy.
It’s a common misconception that old Sonic games were solely about speed; while it was possible to go super fast in the original entries in the series, Sonic would frequently be forced to slam on the brakes and navigate tricky platforming sections, with the games rarely taking control away from the player unlike the series’ later, less accomplished 3D incarnations. With many Sonic fans wanting Sonic to return to his roots in this regard, allowing players to add a pregnant character into the mix would provide a natural way to force players to take things slow.
Imagine the scene: Sonic, after narrowly escaping a giant truck/giant whale/other miscellaneous giant thing, continues his astonishing forward momentum by way of propelling himself across a series of boost ramps. Tails has died 17 times while trying to catch up, his life an endless cycle of pain and misery. “GOTTA GO FAST!” Sonic screams, before a voice can be heard from way behind in the distance. “Sonic… I think my water’s broke.” It’s Cassandra the pregnant squirrel, clutching her stomach and looking distressed. Tails had warned Sonic that bringing a heavily pregnant squirrel on their adventure was a bad idea, but Sonic never listens to Tails; he’s a fox who possesses the power of flight, yet still somehow manages to rank behind Knuckles — an echidna with the “gift” of punching stuff — in the pecking order. Sonic didn’t even know what an echidna was until he met Knuckles. Tails is pathetic.
Suddenly confronted by the issue of having to ensure the safety of a squirrel going into labor, Sonic must then carefully navigate platforms alongside her. If you think about it, this would provide an excellent narrative reason for modern Sonic and classic Sonic to meet again. Sonic Generations adopted a whole weird multi-dimensional angle to explain why the two Sonics met up, but now that the pair have co-existed in the same universe, modern Sonic could simply call up the slower Sonic for help with escorting a pregnant squirrel to a hospital. Perfect.