Man loves nothing more than to release the mighty bowels of hell upon his porcelain throne, but sometimes he gets backed up and needs a little help making it happen. Thankfully, there are a number of foods that make you poop when you need that relief, because when it’s time you need to go, there are certain foods that make it flow.
Ah, yes, the musical fruit; the more you eat — there’s no point in sugar-coating this — the closer you come to shitting yourself. The high fiber bean not only looks like poo, it moves it, too, helping with any constipation problems. Beans truly are magical, as they can fit nicely into cuisines with other foods that make you poop, like avocados in, say, a big pile of sweaty nachos.
It may do the trick, but it also comes with a high price of serious flatulence. With broccoli, he who serves it deserves it, and he who consumes it, plumes it. Are you impressed by these newly devised nursery rhymes about your anus? The bushy green friend might make your ass leak toxic-smelling air bubbles, but at least you’ll be free of waste in no time.
Everybody needs them, but not everybody wants to inhale them. Kale, spinach, arugula, parsley; all these greens fit conveniently into a green juice along with other fruits and veggies that help move your poo, like carrots and pineapple. If you’re not spiking your fork into a kale salad, blend it up; it’s hardly noticeable when it’s mixed with other tasty produce.
Like a natural laxative, coffee has been known to do a number and speed up the morning routine in terms of excretion. A double espresso tastes like shit, so it makes sense that it would make you shit. Caffeine and hot drinks, in general, awaken the body’s functions, helping you to stay regular.
Tea also holds the ability to quicken the poops, especially caffeinated tea and herbal teas with peppermint, which speeds up the gastrointestinal track action for your bottom’s enjoyment.
Although it’s technically not a food you'd eat by itself, it makes you have to take a dump, especially if you’re dipping your moist fingers into the sugar bowl every five minutes. Besides an incredible sugar high and crash, sugar and artificial sweeteners have a tendency to increase the frequency of your liquidy bathroom visitations, whether or not that’s something you’re into.
Cheese makes you bloated and farty, but milk and yogurt serves the same purpose without as much gas passing. If you’re lactose intolerant, it will definitely speed up the process, but dairy is a trigger for many people, intolerant or otherwise. Dairy is usually recommended in small doses, as it can cause exhaustion, too, and there’s nothing worse than falling asleep on the pot at work.
Or "fruits for toots" as I like to say. It sounds like an unlikely charity, but somewhat common fruits like prunes, figs and pineapple, in addition to all sorts of fresh berries — blue, black, elder, red — always get the bowels loose in time for a morning deuce. Seriously, these rhymes are perfect; are you writing these down? Smoothie or no smoothie, fruit makes you toot.
That’s nuts. Who would have thought that inhaling a can of nuts would make you do the doody. Almonds, cashews, peanuts and walnuts, as well as seeds like sesame and flaxseed, are in the nut pile of candidates that not only arouse the stomach but set you up for an unholy release of stool into the porcelain pool. High in fiber, like everything else in this list, nuts surely make little fecal donuts. Just don’t overdo it or you’ll hurt your tummy.
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Maybe one of the most likely foods to make you poop is the potato, especially with the skin still on. Potatoes — russet, red or sweet — get the job done when you’re feeling a little bloated and backed up. The great thing about these poo-friendly potatoes is their abundance as one of the most accessible fiber-rich foods around, and they go well in anything — from breakfast foods to stews to homemade fries to soup.