Hugh Jackman set a record for the most times a single actor has played the same superhero in a feature film with "The Wolverine," his sixth outing as clawed, troubled mutie Logan (if you count his brief cameo in "X-Men: First Class"), and the upcoming "X-Men: Days of Future Past" will be #7. To honor Jackman’s commitment and the top movie in America right now – chock full of oddities like snake women and robot samurai – here are the WTF moments in Wolverine’s comic book history that no movie will dare touch with a ten foot Colossus.
10. PINK HEARTS, YELLOW MOONS, ORANGE STARS, AND SECRET IDENTITIES
When Wolverine first joined the X-Men, he was a surly, mysterious loner who couldn’t be bothered to even share his name with his new teammates (well, actually, he may not have remembered it himself). But on a trip to an Irish castle to take on Black Tom and the Juggernaut in X-Men #103, Wolverine is called “Logan” for the first time in comic history…by a leprechaun. Why was this not in "X-Men Origins: Wolverine?"
9. HE CAN REGENERATE…EVERYTHING
Wolverine’s mutant ability to heal any wound has prevented him from experiencing more castrations than a season of "Game of Thrones." He’s had his junk shot off not once, but twice – first by The Punisher (who at least had the decency to shoot Logan’s face off first), and once by a New Avengers villain called The Hood. By the second time, Wolvie was so used to it, he just ends up sitting casually behind a bar waiting for Li’l Logan to sprout back, muttering “Maybe it’ll grow back bigger.” Here’s hoping, big man.
8. HE WAS ONCE BATMAN
Despite their rivalry, Marvel and DC Comics come together from time to time to mix and match their respective champions – but never was this concept taken as literally as it was during the “Amalgam” series. These weren’t team-ups, they were mash-ups, with crazy hybrid heroes formed out of comic’s finest. So the guy who is infamous for disemboweling enemies with his freaky claws got mixed with the nocturnal avenger with a strict “no killing” policy to give us the undoubtedly schizophrenic Dark Claw. Beats being AquaWolvie, we guess.
7. HE WENT H.A.M. ON CONAN
Conan the Barbarian has his own unique pop culture history, but he is also, technically, a member of the Marvel Universe – which means that at some point he has to encounter Wolverine because kids will buy anything with Wolverine in it so just do it already! Instead of following the usual “Let’s fight, no let’s be friends” team-up dynamic, a feral Wolverine attacks the Cimmerian and gives him the ol’ "Luke Skywalker” – hacking off Conan’s hand. Please, Arnie, find a way to work this into your next Conan movie.
How do you take down a guy with unbreakable bones, massive claws, healing powers, and hair trigger temper? You mess with his mind, of course. During a run on Astonishing X-Men, the telepath Emma Frost got all up inside Logan’s thought cave and essentially turned him into a frightened toddler. He spent several issues cowering in corners around the X-Mansion and crying until his memory returned in the most Wolverine way possible – he clunked his head on a fridge and saw a can of beer. Presto! Memories returned!
5. COUNT LOGAN
The “What If?” stories are the island of misfit plots for Marvel writers, and issue #24 was no exception. It’s the same old chestnut: Dracula infiltrates the X-Men and turns all the heroes into fang heads. However, Drac’s psychic powers don’t work on Logan, who does what you’d expect a vampire Wolverine to do – he kills Dracula and becomes Lord of the Vampires. Like you couldn’t guess.
4. THE EFF’D F
Back in the early 90s, Marvel’s first family, the Fantastic Four, were kidnapped by the alien shapeshifters known as the Skrulls. Stepping in to take the place of one of the oldest and most recognizable superhero teams of all time? A makeshift Fantastic Four made up of Wolverine, Spider-Man, Ghost Rider, and Gray Hulk. They were still, for some reason, called The Fantastic Four and not the more accurate Arbitrary Four.
3. TAZ WOLVERINE
If you’re tasked with babysitting a little girl with dormant demonic powers, you should keep your bedtime stories simple. Unfortunately, X-Man Kitty Pryde decided to tell a whopper of a fantasy involving scores of bizarre creatures. Of course, she ended up being sucked INTO her own fairy tale, coming face-to-face with a tiny, cigar-chomping, beer-chugging Tasmanian Devil-like version of Wolverine known as Fiend-With-No-Name.
2. MUTANT SLEAZE POWERS
In the “Ultimate” comics – essentially, an early 2000s relaunch of all the major Marvel characters – Peter Parker is once again a 15-year-old high school student who moonlights as Spider-Man. Keep that in mind, because one storyline involved Parker and Wolverine getting mind-swapped by X-Men telepath Jean Grey. So what does the 70 or 80-year-old Wolverine DO inside the body of a 15-year-old boy? Try to nail that boy’s 15-year-old girlfriend Mary Jane, of course. The story set a whole new bar for uncomfortableness.
Next: Movie Endings Changed By Text Messaging
1. THE HUMAN GINZU KNIFE
Although the '90s X-Men animated series is credited with raising the profile of the X-Men universe, it also had something of a “Wolverine problem.” What happens when you have an R-rated character – a guy who thinks nothing of gutting enemies into a bloody mess and washing it down with a beer – in a G-rated cartoon? You have a completely neutered badass who is forced to face off against locked doors…fences…and the occasional log of salami.