Every man follows his own path to the top. There’s no wrong way to get there either, as every man has his own sense of himself, and his home is usually a direct reflection of those beliefs. However your place is set up, either brightly inspiring or bare-walled with barred windows like a drug deal is about to go down, make your place your home, and know that there are a few things every man should have in his place.
A dartboard is one of the timeless items that every mancave needs. You might be terrible now, but you’ll find that just like a good pool table, it’s a great break to take while stimulating the brain. And you'll improve. Also, it’s better to enjoy a couple delicious, moderately priced beers at home with buddies than it is to stand, holding a warm pitcher of flat beer because there’s no good place to put it while you wait to throw.
Coffee Machine/Tea Leaf Strainer
For those hard-to-bend-over mornings brought to you by your friends Jack, Jim and Johnny, we urge you to remedy last night’s miserable mistakes with nature’s warm, dark goodness. Whether you’re a caffeine junkie or green tea hydrator, you’ll find that having your own supply is second to none when you’re so hungover that the sound of doorknobs makes a little throw-up rise in your hoarse throat after some off-key karaoke and six kinds of sinister shots.
It’s not just for you; people in public don’t want the start of their bright, beautiful mornings ruined by your ghostly, top-heavy presence haunting the local caffeine corridor. Brew from home, especially if you’re not alone on these pitiful mornings.
Pull-up bars are the new punching bag, and instead of making you look like a psychotic episode about to happen, you’ll build strength and burn off a little steam quietly and progressively. If it’s around, you’ll slowly find yourself using it more and more while you’re waiting for your daily macaroni to microwave or just hanging around with the boys. Before you know it, your shoulders, back and arms will start to pop, and then you can buy all new shirts or cut the sleeves off your old ones to show off the cannons.
Comfy Leather Chair
A man is only as good as the chair he relaxes in. If you’re coming home to folding chairs around a crowded table with screaming kids and an angry wife, you’ll go from a tough day at work to a tough time knotting that rope around the ceiling fan. A comfy and contouring chair is key to unwind the stress balls in your body, stimulate good energy and calm waves in the nerves. It’s also great when your girl wants sexy time on something that doesn’t crack your back before you hit 40.
In the good old days, they used to call it a man’s “study,” but now it’s just leather recliners and beer fridges in place of mahogany shelves and leather-bound journals, but we’re not complaining.
Instruments/Record Player/Sound System
We’re not saying you should have these things in place of a TV set, but we kind of just did. Guys need their sports and news; it’s no secret. But, a TV shouldn’t be the main focus of the most inviting room of your home. Fill the room with possibilities, each which can take their turns pulling you into their little world, whether it’s strumming on the guitar, dusting off the recorder you used to play in middle school or picking the right vinyl off the shelf to satisfy your mood. No doubt you’ll want a speaker system that does justice to your little racket, so invest in something that’ll bring a little joy into your life.
These things attract a synergetic crowd that will either join in or at least have something of use to say, other than ramble about how good “Breaking Bad” is going to end. You don’t even know how good it’s going to end! You’ll weed those folks out quickly when they know you don’t give a damn about cable television.
Fortress of Solitude
Even if it looks more like a pillow fort, a man must have a nook he can call his own. Whether you fill it with lava lamps and psychedelic carvings or everything your girl won’t allow in the rest of your place, your special cranny is all yours, all the time.
Just like a good recliner or record collection, this is a place you go when you feel the unsettling urge to drive your fist through the drywall, just as much as moments when you want a little quiet time. It’s not too much to ask for, especially if it’s your place, and it doesn’t have to be huge. All you really need is some incense to mask the inevitable smells, candles simply because you love to play with fire and a flashlight so you can read in the dark like you’re still five. Anything less than that and you’re cheating yourself in your own home.
Top Shelf Stocked Bar
If you’ve already crossed everything else off the list to this point after immediately buying them all, which you better, you’ll find that a good liquor stash is what ties it all together. Grab a few nice bottles of your favorite liquors, leaving you plenty of options on where to take the home-style happy hour. A good vodka can go a long ways, but it’s always wise to have his dark friend, scotch, around too depending on if you’re a martini or Manhattan kind of guy.
These things wouldn’t be in movies unless they were completely true and real to every man’s life, and it might also help your dart game. If you’re short on bottles, go fix it quickly before guests appear. And don’t skimp on the good stuff.
Constructing the right kind of place can always be an entertaining challenge to get it just right, but it’s good to be mindful once in awhile, too. While your dirt bag friends continue to add to the earthly wreckage with their every beer can in the trash, offer an environmental solution that will drive women straight to Hornyville. We’re not sure where that is exactly, but if it’s real, the women there are probably wonderful and recycle.
A recycling bin makes a lot of lives easier, like the people sorting it, the hobos rummaging through it and the birds and fish sick of swallowing plastic. Be a good earthling and recycle while teaching others to recycle.
There’s never a shortage of inspiration in the world, so hoard it like grown women in a shoe department, so long as you’re not clawing anyone’s eyes out. Our jobs are what get us up every morning, but it’s inspiration that keeps us going beyond that. Whether regurgitated or original, put up something that clicks your soul on and let it last you through the day.
Find something that consistently motivates you to be positive, energetic, creative and just plain old happy. Whether it’s football memorabilia, an amusing Beatles caricature, sappy quote or just blatant porn that gets your head in the game, own it and make it part of your daily routine. Your place should be a reflection of you and the things that drive you. It’s not some weird coincidence that people have pictures of the ocean in their homes, and the same goes with the porn.
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There’s really nothing more that needs to be said here. If you’re okay with unconditional love, loyalty and everlasting playfulness, it’s a smart move to make. Although most people think they don’t have time for a dog, they still end up in relationships with girls who talk all day and kids that cry all night. Dogs are quiet, rarely speak and serve purely to improve the quality of your life. It makes all the picking up of shit worth it, especially if you’re helping out a pup in need. It’s a quid pro quo between hairy animals. You scratch their belly, and they will always love you (and they’ll try not to piss everywhere while you’re gone, too).