When you take a dispute to a televised courtroom, anything can happen. Things might go smoothly, with the judge ruling in your favor. Or they might go totally insane. Shows like Judge Judy and The People’s Court have delivered some of the most unforgettable surreal TV ever aired, and in this feature we’ll share ten moments that should be against the law.
Playboy In The Basement
I really don’t know what the hell is going on in this bizarre People’s Court clip where a landlord is suing a tenant for unpaid bills, only that it starts out with a digression about watching the Playboy Channel in the basement and gets weird from there. The defendant – who looks a lot like Colin Quinn – has an alter ego who seems to be on the show to promote an X-rated board game? And he’s been working on it for 16 years?
I don’t know if I could step in front of Judge Judy and make a fool of myself – that woman looks like she could castrate you with a glance. These two emo hillbillies have a tale to tell about the defendant with a very precious cargo of cheese balls buckled into the front seat of a car. The car was totaled, but thankfully the salty snacks made it out alive. Alas, we may never know what the verdict of this incredibly important case was.
People’s Court Mustache
This moment takes place outside of the courtroom, when an addled defendant steps out of the People’s Court for his post-trial interview with Doug Llewellyn. The case was something about self-storage, but this guy doesn’t seem to have been paying a lot of attention. His demeanor is explained away by the fact that he hasn’t slept in eight days, but when he starts talking about how hard it is being him, things get truly surreal. To be fair, though, that mustache does look pretty hard to handle.
Divorce Court Humming
Tempers often flare on Divorce Court, but we’ve never seen anything quite as zany as this. When the husband starts to give his testimony to Judge Toler, his wife interjects by making hilarious, insane humming noises. She claims that the noises are a way to keep her from punching her ex right in the face every time he lies, and he lies a lot. The audience literally can’t keep themselves from cracking up every time she does it, and it’s sheer perfection.
When you’re in the courtroom, your natural impulse is to do everything in your power to keep the judge happy – especially when it’s Judge Judy. But for this case – in which a blonde is accused of pushing another blonde into a swimming pool and wrecking her iPhone – takes a turn for the ridiculous during the closing bits. After Judy makes her verdict, she says “This isn’t rocket science. What is rocket science?” and the defendant decides that she needs to answer her. It’s a classic blonde moment preserved for the ages.
My Whole Life Is Ridiculous
You don’t even need to know the context for this completely insane Judge Judy post-court interview, in which three feuding Portland hipsters let loose with some of the most insane things we’ve ever heard. Apparently the dispute was about a dead cat, but in the process we get all sorts of money quotes like “We’re tough. We hate those people. They’re straight and we hate them,” and “Underwear on the counter.” Sure, the death of a cat isn’t any laughing matter, but when crazies like this are involved you can’t help but laugh.
One of the weirdest courtroom TV shows of all time was Eye For An Eye, which starred prosecutor Akim Anastopoulo as “Extreme Akim,” a man more concerned with laying down insane punishments than actually enforcing the law. The show was totally nutty, but the one episode that ruled them all was “Cambelonia,” where a man decides to establish his own country within the borders of the United States and all hell breaks loose. It’s thirty minutes of balls-out insanity, complete with a declaration of war.
Naked Groping Gamer Girl
Roommate situations are the source of most courtroom TV moments, but we’ve never seen any as weird as this. The plaintiff is suing her ex-roommate for unpaid bills, but when the truth comes out Judge Pirro is just as puzzled as we are. Apparently the girl used to get tanked and strip down while they played video games, and then sent him some of the weirdest artwork ever submitted as evidence. All for the princely sum of $11 a day. What people won’t do to save a few dollars.
Naked LSD Rampage
Most court TV cases are around pretty petty disputes like bad roommates or damaged property. And then there’s this episode of Judge Mathis, where a kid goes wild on LSD, strips naked and wrecks a dude’s truck. Everything about it is hilarious, from the drug-addled kid’s complete lack of remorse for his actions to the super-nerdy plaintiff’s utter horror at what he’s seen. The only thing that could have made it funnier is if the defendant had dropped acid for his court appearance too.
Joey Buttafuoco Car Repairs
How do things get worse for you after the tabloids turn your whole life into a scandal? Ask Joey Buttafuoco, who dallied with a teen who shot his wife in the 1990s and then showed up on Judge Pirro trying to get restitution for doing car repairs for a porn star. This clip is the absolute worst – a professional sex worker named Peaches hired Joey to do $4,700 worth of work on her car, then tried to pay him off in fornication, not cash. The resultant trial is all kinds of absurd.Next: Absurd Yearbook Photos