Most drug arrests are pretty simple: cops find drugs, cops arrest people smuggling drugs, cops dispose of drugs. But every once in a while things are a little crazier. In this feature, we’ll examine ten astounding stories of completely bizarre drug busts. From unlikely suspects to some of the weirdest smuggling techniques of all time, the only constant is that drugs were involved.
The Diaper Smuggler
When the police come knocking, drug dealers look for a way to stash their substances. The time-honored method is to flush it down the toilet, but for Michigan meth lab operators Lorri Compo and Roman Sobie, they decided to go a little younger. When the cops raided their house in 2009 and busted them, they couldn’t find any actual crystal meth on the premises – until they noticed that Compo’s one-year-old grandson was crawling a little funny. Police opened his diaper to reveal a bag of meth that she had hidden there.
A Bust In Jail
Convicts often look to illicit substances to take their minds off of the horrible conditions in prison, but those drugs are usually smuggled in from the outside. One British prisoner decided to change that, though, with some success. Mohammed Jalloh was in Dorset’s Verne Prison in 2009 and convinced the guards that he wanted to do some gardening. Jalloh proceeded to plant high-grade marijuana, telling the prison authorities that they were tomato plants. Amazingly enough, he got away with his doobie charade for five months before getting busted.
ATM Meth Deposit
When you’re on drugs, you kind of forget how to do normal everyday things. That’s the only explanation we can think of for this totally ludicrous 2008 drug bust, in which a Bremerton, Washington woman accidentally put a bag of crystal meth into the ATM machine at her bank. That’s not how you turn it into money, lady. Bank employees reported the bizarre deposit (which was thankfully tagged with her account number), and when the cops visited her she fessed up to the whole thing. We don’t know if the bank levied any overdraft charges on her account, though.
Texting a Cop
The police get information on drug dealers from a wide variety of sources – concerned citizens, informants, surveillance and the like. But this is the only case we know of where a dealer just straight-up texted a cop to tell them that he had meth. Lewiston, Idaho small-timer Aaron D. Templeton sent out a text blast in September 2012 to gauge interest in his product. Unfortunately, his chubby fingers messed up a number and it was sent to a police detective instead. After confirming that it wasn’t a joke, the cop set up a buy and arrested Templeton.
The Driverless Drug Truck
This is one of the easiest drug seizures of all time, and the lucky cops who nailed it probably got a nice bonus. In 1998, police were called when somebody spotted a rental truck idling in the parking lot of a Palos Heights, Illinois supermarket. The cops came and found the truck’s cab was completely empty, with the keys left in the ignition and the engine on. Puzzled, they opened the back to discover 1,600 pounds of marijuana. The truck had been rented in Chicago under a fake name, so nobody got arrested, but it does present a pretty intriguing mystery.
Breast Implant Bust
Commercial airlines are one of the most common, but most difficult, ways to transport drugs, with mules hiding illicit substances in just about every possible place. One utterly disgusting attempt happened in late 2012, when a woman tried to go from Panama to Spain with three pounds of coke stashed in her breast implants. The cartel gave her the new hooters before the flight, but authorities got suspicious when they noticed bloodstains on her clothing. The implants were removed and she was arrested without even getting a new rack for her troubles.
YouTube Brag Bust
Selling drugs is a tricky business. You need people to know about your product, but they have to be the right kind of people. That’s why Somerset man Shane Burfield’s brilliant idea – to make videos hyping up his marijuana farm and post them on YouTube – ended up biting him in the ass. The videos were documenting the progress of his pot plants, but when the local cops saw one, they were shocked that the wanna-be kingpin actually used his real name with his YouTube account. Needless to say, they paid him a visit and nipped his little garden in the bud.
The Alligator Guard
Drug smugglers often use different methods of defense at the stash house, but usually those methods are of the human kind. For Assif Mayar, a weed dealer in Castro Valley, California, reptiles were the way to go. When the cops busted his residence in January 2013, they seized a whopping 34 pounds of dried marijuana, but it was his anti-theft device that really got their attention. Mayar kept a five-foot-long alligator named “Mr. Teeth” in the house as a deterrent to potential thieves. The funniest part was that he said he bought the gator in 1996 to pay tribute to Tupac Shakur somehow.
Subway Pot Artist
If you walked into the Subway in Fort Pierce, Florida with a hankering for some extra veggies on your sub, you might have received something that you didn’t bargain for. Elizabeth Hunt, a 47-year-old sandwich artist, was running a pot operation out of the store. Customers who asked her for “extra meat” got a baggie of weed alongside their five-dollar footlong. Detectives heard about the code words and nailed Hunt in a 2011 sting operation.
Next: Stories of Pro Athletes on Recreational Drugs
Sheriff’s Department Parking Lot
Of all the places to conduct a drug deal, the parking lot of a sheriff’s department has to be pretty low on the smart list. In 2009, cops in White County, Arkansas busted a woman named Lakesha Latre in their own parking lot on an anonymous tip. When they searched her, they found a quarter-gram of meth and a ringing cell phone. On the other end of the line was her supplier, so they set up a sting and arrested him, too. The chain of idiots continued until the cops had eight pushers in custody, all because Lakesha decided to sling in the dumbest possible location.