As we inch our way out of the freezing months of indoor insanity, we move into the first decently eventful month of the year, the madness that is March. If you have any qualms with getting out and having some fun, you may want to sit the month out, as this one has massive potential for everyone to see the sun, win some money and celebrate with a few hundred green beers.
No. 10 - National Goof Off Day (March 22)
Because March fails to offer a single paid day off for most employees in the working world, this is a holiday for everyone to take advantage of and enjoy. It just so happens to fall on a Friday, too, which is even better. And if you are feeling really frisky, also take note of Make Up Your Own Holiday Day (March 26) and Be Nasty Day (March 8).
No. 9 - Pi Day (March 14)
For you math-loving mother effers, this one is for you. Get your calculators out and go wild with the 3.14 ritual of Pi Day. No one really knows what to do with this day, since it was brought on to give math teachers an incentive to have some fun with their students (forgetting that math teachers are possibly the last people on the planet to know what fun is), but give it your best shot. And maybe bake a delicious pie.
No. 8 - It's National Nutrition Month
Before you get to all that delicious Pi Day pie, keep in mind that it is Nutrition Month. Created by the Academy of Nutrition and Dietetics, this campaign takes place annually to help you "Eat Right, Your Way, Every Day." Yes, men, this applies to you. If you want a good place to start, check out our list of delicious manly smoothies.
No. 7 - International Women's Day (March 8)
As a men's website, it's somewhat of a duty of ours to pay homage to women whenever possible. Sadly, sexy girl galleries, honking our horns as we drive by, whistling and throwing money at them are the best ways we know how -- until now!
Gentlemen, when you see a lovely lady on this day, thank her and pay your respect for how far she's come with a firm, open-hand slap on the rear. Women (international or not) will respond kindly to this and be thankful.
March is also National Women's History Month, so feel free to take these actions any of the 31 days.
No. 6 - Daylight Savings (March 10)/First Day of Spring (March 20)
Quite possibly the greatest day of the year for surfers, photographers and every beach bum that roams the planet, Daylight Savings is very simply the beginning of longer days once again. So don't be surprised if you're cut off by the bartender a little earlier than usual. It's a small price to pay.
Also, March 20 is the first day of spring, which is the opening act to another warm, playful summer. So mark it on your calendar and remember to say "hello" to warm weather and "F off" to that worthless groundhog.
No. 5 - Easter (March 31)
Ahh, the celebration of Jesus Christ dying on the cross and rising from the dead. Although sometimes in April, Easter is one of two days for CE (Christmas, Easter) Catholics to make it to church and embrace their religious side. But, whether you are religious or not, it's a nice day to gather with the family and friends, set up an Easter egg hunt, and eat a bunch of chocolate and pastel-colored candy.
No. 4 - Office Pools and Your Bracket
One of the great byproducts of any good sporting event is the overabundance of friendly office pools. Office games are always good and fun, unless the prick who doesn't follow sports takes the loot (but then you can all just spit in his coffee when he isn't looking, adding to your office synergy).
Seriously, though, if your office doesn't have a pool, take it upon yourself to get one going. Filling out and comparing brackets is fun, makes for great water cooler talk and will boost overall morale. Maybe you'll even win something for once in your pathetic life.
No. 3 - Spring Break
This one's for the college kids (we hope). Nothing shows responsibility to your parents more than taking a little time off from the books and devoting a week to a tequila-based tour of wet t-shirt contests, sun-burnt strippers and some MTV event blaring outside your disease-filled spring break motel.
If your folks are wondering what your week looks like, just send them the photo of you sleeping on the same couch as four of your impotent drinking buddies, squished both ass-to-face and head-to-toe. They’ll be so glad they spent money on your tuition that they’ll practically have simultaneous strokes. Good thing you majored pre-med, you studious son of a bitch.
No. 2 - St. Patrick's Day (March 17)
This holiday needs no introduction, mainly because it'll just stumble through the door, puke on your lampshades and pee in your bedroom closet if you let it in. The day accounts for our obvious slacking in alcoholism with a keen determination to reinstate the belligerent drinking practices left to us by the angry drunk Irish folk.
Good gassy food and green beer typically ensue, meaning the next day will be filled with filling your toilet with green excrement.
Next: The Worst Sports Collectibles Ever
No. 1 - The Madness (March 19)
Gentlemen, the time for madness has arrived, but you'll have to wait a short minute until it can begin. You can spend the time prepping yourself by cleaning all of your underwear and counting the dollars you expect to give away. March Madness' NCAA tournament officially begins on the 19th, but is preceded by crazy conference tourneys and plenty of high school action. There's enough going on to make thinking more difficult than usual, as the action will be nonstop.
Between star performances, upsets, buzzer beaters and the usual drunken fanatics, this year has all the potential in the world to be one of the best. But who will win it all? And whose wife will leave him when he forfeits the mortgage payment on a bet? It's all part of the madness!