• Schuster at the Movies
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    SANTA WITH MUSCLES (1996)

    The answer to the ancient question, “What could be better than Santa with bones and skin and a nervous system?” “Santa With Muscles” is one of a possibly infinite number of terrible decisions made by Hulk Hogan. In this film, the Hulkster plays an egotistical millionaire (no stretch there) who, in the course of escaping the police, hits his head while disguised as a mall Santa, leaving him no logical choice but to believe he’s the real Santa Claus. Like any other buff amnesiac wearing an ill-fitting Santa suit, Hogan finds himself battling an evil scientist (played by neutral-to-good scientist Ed Begley, Jr.) determined to shut down an orphanage to dig out the magical crystals commonly found beneath many financially destitute orphanages. One of the vanishingly few reasons this movie is still available is that it marked the film debut of a twelve-year-old Mila Kunis, ironically appearing with fellow future "That 70s Show" actor Don Stark (who plays Hulk Hogan’s primary elf).