Murder: is there any crime more foul? To take a human life is a serious decision, one that shouldn’t be taken lightly. But because we are human beings, and thus irrevocably flawed, we tend to murder people over all sorts of dumb things. In this piece, we’ll investigate ten hideous murders that were prompted by the most idiotic reasons. Sadly, no one is safe.
Facebook Unfriending, 2012
The Internet is serious business, as any number of YouTube videos will tell you. But in the murder of Billy Clay Paine, Jr. and Billie Jean Hayworth of Mountain City, Tennessee, it got a little more serious. Paine and Hayworth unwittingly sealed their own fate when they defriended a woman named Jenelle Potter from their lists in 2012. Potter had been allegedly harassing and threatening the two, so they had no compunctions about removing her from their online world. When she found out, she complained to her father, Marvin Potter, and her boyfriend Jamie Curd. The two men then marched over to Paine and Hayworth’s house and shot them dead with shotguns, leaving Hayworth’s six-month-old baby crying in her dead mother’s arms.
Cold Eggs, 2010
Breakfast is the most important meal of the day, but that doesn’t mean you should kill over it. In 2010, Kentucky trailer park resident Stanley Neace got a little agitated when his wife Sandra served him a plate of scrambled eggs that had gone cold. Instead of popping them in the microwave, Stanley grabbed his pump-action shotgun and murdered his wife and her daughter before going over to his neighbor’s trailer and killing them, as well. Presumably their breakfast was also not to his liking. The neighbor’s seven-year-old daughter escaped and ran to call the police, but by the time they arrived to the crime scene Neace had already turned his gun on himself.
No Toilet Paper, 2006
Often times these dumb murders are caused in the heat of passion, when something pushes the killer over the edge. For Franklin Paul Crow, it was not being able to wipe his butt. Lakeland, Florida native Crow was living with a roommate named Kenneth Matthews in 2006, but the two men weren’t getting along. What sparked their furor was Matthews’ refusal to replace the toilet tissue in their shared bathroom, leaving Crow unable to clean his rear end. Incensed by having to walk around poopy, Crow grabbed a sledgehammer and bludgeoned Matthews to death, finishing the job with a claw hammer. He originally blamed the brutal crime on a local motorcycle gang but soon confessed to the whole thing.
Speed Bumps, 2010
We’re not huge fans of speed bumps, but we can accept that they have their place, especially in residential neighborhoods with lots of little rugrats running around. Some people really don’t like them, though. Stephen Carr was an active resident of his Burke, Virginia neighborhood who worried about passing traffic down his street, so he lobbied the City Council to install a speed bump. One of his neighbors, however, considered that an infringement on his liberty and decided to take matters into his own hands. That neighbor, a man named David Patton, was so incensed following an argument with Carr on the street that he broke into Carr’s house, tied up him and his girlfriend, and shot Carr in the head before fleeing the scene.
Avril Lavigne Tickets, 2008
This is a particularly grisly one. In 2008, a Carol Stream, Illinois man named Robert Lyons murdered his own mother by smashing her skull with a bottle of champagne and then stabbing her multiple times in the back. His motive? She refused to call a friend of hers and arrange for Lyons to get tickets to an upcoming Avril Lavigne concert. Now we’ve all said that there are musicians we’d “kill to see,” but this is ridiculous – especially since Lyons was 39 at the time. What kind of thirty-something dude listens to Avril Lavigne? Police tracked Lyons down at a local Hooters and took him into custody.
A Free Breakfast, 2010
Kids do some really stupid stuff, but murder? It happens. In 2011, Aberkenfig, Wales teenager Joshua Davies was getting over a breakup with a young woman named Rebecca Aylward. He was doing so with typical teenage subtlety, fantasizing about killing her in text messages and Facebook posts. On a cold October day in 2010, Davies texted a friend and asked, “What would you do if I actually did kill her?” The friend responded, “Oh, I would buy you breakfast.” A few days later, Davies bludgeoned Aylward to death with a huge rock and then texted his friend, saying, “Don’t say anything but you just may owe me a breakfast.” Davies was soon apprehended, convicted and given 14 years in prison.
Stolen Chickens, 2010
Wayne Thomas McMinn isn’t what you’d call a winner. The resident of a DeKalb County, Alabama township called “Dogtown” had previously been busted for sex offenses, but life as a free man was confusing to him. When he got an idea into his head that a neighbor named Rickey McCallie had swiped some of his chickens, it led to a dispute that would leave one man dead. McMinn’s rage at not having his chickens returned led him to grab a gun, put multiple bullets into McCallie’s body, and throw him in a neighbor’s backyard. Thankfully, everybody in town knew who did it and McMinn was quickly nabbed by the cops.
You need to be careful these days – the tiniest little thing could set somebody off. Take the shocking case of a pair of Warrensville Heights, Ohio teenagers. Shaakira Dorsey was sitting with a group of other girls when one of them passed gas. As teenagers will do, Dorsey began capping on her friend for her ill-timed fart. The girl didn’t take the teasing well and things quickly escalated to fisticuffs. The unnamed farter got so violent with Dorsey that she ended up beating her to death. Several adults watched the fight and didn’t intervene until it was too late.
I think we can all agree that Facebook games are the bane of civilized society. It’s annoying enough that your relatives waste valuable time growing virtual crops, but then they plaster it all over your social networks. The kind of demented addiction that these games cause has even been enough to drive people to murder. In 2010, a woman named Alexandra Tobias was trying really hard to concentrate on her virtual agricultural enterprise in FarmVille but her three-month-old baby Dylan wouldn’t stop crying. So she shook him to death, taking a break in the middle of her horrific act to have a cigarette.
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Sometimes when you really want to snap into a crispy, salty Cheeto, nothing else will do. How else can you explain the stabbing death of Roger Wilkes in St. Louis, Missouri? Wilkes had a bag of Cheetos that fellow homeless man David Scott had designs on. But when you’re snacking, you don’t want to share. The two men started to argue outside of a train station, and the scuffle quickly escalated to murder when Scott pulled a knife and stabbed Wilkes in the chest. Two bicycle officers heard the fight and chased Scott several blocks before arresting him. Wilkes was rushed to the hospital, where he died of his injuries. What happened to the bag of Cheetos is unknown.