The bitter wind beats at your windows as the furnace blows back with all its might, but you’re trapped inside this frigid box whose only doors are mounted by towering snowdrifts. So, you savor every bit of fiery warmth from what’s left of the woodpile and dream of summer mornings to get you through the night.
Or if you’d like an alternate ending, you could dip your frozen tongue in one (or all) of these 10 deliciously toast-worthy winter cocktails, cheers to the holidays, and head outside with your friends to pee curse words in the snow.
Aside from what you call your best friend Todd, a Hot Toddy is both a warm and soothing cocktail with some resemblance to a cup of hot tea, only instead of tea, we’re drinking whiskey, gents.
It’s as easy as adding boiling water, whiskey and honey together in your mug, stirring in your cinnamon, nutmeg and clove spices and adding a slice of lemon before letting it set for five minutes. It’s great for a cold night at home when your lady hogs all the blankets, giving you a chance to catch a nice buzz and tell her how she makes you feel.
1 tsp honey
2 oz boiling water
2 oz whiskey (or more)
1 cinnamon stick
1 lemon slice
1 dash nutmeg
It would be sold in milk cartons to elementary schools if there wasn’t so much damn alcohol in them. This delicious dairy sneaker, although seemingly healthy, can have you casually carrying on a conversation one minute and doing ass dances atop your barstool the next, if you’re not careful.
A simple blend of milk, Kahlua and vodka across ice makes any White Russian the cool, but classic winter choice. And if you’re lactose intolerant, just make it a Black Russian by holding the milk and get sauced that much quicker.
1½ oz vodka
¾ oz Kahlua coffee liqueur
¾ oz cream (or milk)
Any friend of a Manhattan is a friend of the Invisible Man, a short order of spirits with a righteous kick that’ll curl the ends of your mustache. Like a Manhattan, this whiskey cocktail also orders up a taste of bitters and fresh fruit but also delivers a healthy buzz in its small portion. The only difference is the whiskey is white, along with the white crème de cacao.
2½ white whiskey
¾ oz white crème de cacao
2 dashes plum bitters
Pomegranate Champagne Punch
If you’re hosting a party, or if you’re just going to one, and enjoy spiking the punch bowl and watching people get lit, the pomegranate champagne style is always a gentlemanly way to go. Plus, it’ll keep people entertained for awhile.
Boil together some water sugar, add in a bunch of champagne, along with some white rum and pomegranate juice, then garnish with a little lemon, pomegranate seeds and mint leaves, and you’ll be crowned king of holiday cocktail hosting as everybody slurs their cheers and spills on the carpet.
½ cup simple syrup (sugary water mixture for sweetener)
2 750-mL bottles chilled champagne
1½ cup white rum
1¼ cup pomegranate juice (or more)
1 lemon (thinly) sliced
Fresh mint leaves
Toasted Marshmallow Martini
The love you have for your childhood and your woman are about to collide as this s’more-like cocktail will bring a smile to both you and your lady’s faces. So what if you feel like a sissy holding a tall, delicate martini glass; it’s a heartwarming cocktail that’ll shoot you up with masculinity for decades to come when you start using fire to make a cocktail.
Shaken with ice, the martini is a mixer of vodka, hazelnut, cream and marshmallow. Shake until cold and serve in a marshmallow whip-rimmed martini glass with actual toasted marshmallows strewn across like olives on a dirty man’s dirty martini. Your lady will love you for it, too.
2 oz vanilla vodka
2 oz hazelnut liqueur
2 oz cream
2 oz marshmallow topping/whip
3-5 whole mini marshmallows
Rye & Ginger
It’s a simple, yet sophisticated cocktail for a simple, yet sophisticated man. After enough of them, you might be too loopy to play chef of the cocktail anyway, so here’s to simplicity in a short glass.
It’s as easy as pouring a generous portion of rye whiskey over ice and freshening it up with the tiniest bit of ginger goodness. It’s great if you love whiskey and you’re a social drinker who can’t stop putting the glass to his mouth. This cocktail’s greatness depends both on your love of whiskey and your ability to choose the right kind.
1 oz rye whiskey (or however much you like)
Splash of ginger ale
Nothing hits the taste buds on a cool evening, or any evening for that matter, like a well-executed dirty martini. And there’s also nothing more depressing than a poorly made one, so let’s educate ourselves and drink like responsible men of perfection.
First of all, your martini glass needs to be chilled. Combine the vermouth with ice in a shaker and swirl and then add the gin. Swirl and strain into the martini glass, adorned by two olives, one for you and one for the lady. Make it three if you’ve had a bad day; you’ve earned it.
3 oz (2 shots) gin (Bombay or Tanqueray, preferably)
1 oz dry vermouth
Classic Southern Eggnog
What would the holidays be without some form of eggnog biting at your lip, even though a majority of folks find it disgusting? This leaves an opening for you to fill your niche at the family dinner as eggnog connoisseur, as long as you don’t get everyone bloated and frothing at the mouth.
Put an interesting spin on eggnog by making it from scratch and adding tasty bourbon with a little sugar and spice. Begin by beating up three egg yolks and mix together with sugar (a little salt and vanilla if you like) until thick. Slowly add bourbon and milk and then chill in the fridge.
Before serving, beat the egg whites until stiff, adding in the last of the sugar until creamy. Slowly pour this cream over the chilled bourbon mixture, served best in a mug, before garnishing with nutmeg. It’s time-consuming but worth it for a fancy holiday to-do, as well as a good reason not to talk to your crazy relative who keeps asking you where her cat is.
3 oz milk
3 oz sugar
3 oz Bourbon
1 dash nutmeg
Fresh Ginger Sparkler
Using fine, fresh ginger, a little sugar and a whole bunch of champagne, the ginger sparkler is a celebratory drink with a pretty emasculated name, but it tastes so good. Whether you’re at an office party, having folks over for a nice get-together or you’re just home alone with a bad cold, toss down a few of these bad boys and feel your body thank you immediately.
One way to go about making this one is to boil water and ginger together into an almost syrupy mixture, then strain (careful because the ginger is very fine) and use about an ounce of the mixture for each cocktail. Then add your champagne and stir. Before you know it, you’ll be karaoking crap ‘90s hits in no time. Serves several.
2 teaspoons fine, peeled ginger
½ cup sugar
1 bottle champagne
Next: 10 Best Things About December
Every group has one, the sloppy obnoxious holiday drunk that has a six-pack and a few tequila shots down before you’ve even opened your eyes the next wicked, hungover morning. Well, this drink is for him in all his shaker-free, fruitless madness. It’s a cock’s tail that says you don’t need to choose between beer and whiskey when you can just have both.
It’s as simple as a shot of whiskey and a beer, but whether you enjoy them separately, slowly together or in a rapid drop-shot-like manner is up to you. We’ll give you a hint; none of them have any respectability whatsoever, but it does the trick.
1 beer (light or microbrew, unless you’re truly mad)
1 big shot whiskey (Jim Beam, Jack Daniels, whatever)