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It's Thanksgiving weekend, so we've gathered the most hilarious and inappropriate tweets making the rounds about the holiday. Be sure to follow these guys and gals, and check back here every week for more jokes you can tell your friends and pretend you came up with them yourself. They’ll think you’re hilarious, but inside you’ll be cold and dead ... like your turkey.
Follow @robfee on Twitter, and check out his bestselling comedy album, "Grape Stomp," on iTunes.
Watch out, families in sitcoms - your Thanksgiving dinner will NOT go as planned!
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Thanksgiving is an American holiday where the entire family comes together to shit in one guest toilet.
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Golden Corral Thanksgiving Day Buffet! Only costs 12.99 and any chance you have of ever being happy again
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Thanksgiving: continuing the age-old tradition of eating amongst people who will eventually murder each other
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Nobody ever wants to be included in your "Happy Thanksgiving!" mass text.
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An article on non traditional Thanksgiving ideas suggested throwing a cocktail party so I think I'm going to do that except just drink alone
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Get your pubes under control before you ruin Thanksgiving
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This is the last weekend you have to sew elastic panels into your Thanksgiving pants.
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There's a special place in hell for people that play Christmas music before Thanksgiving.
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you don't need Thanksgiving to hate your family
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SPOILER ALERT: I plan on playing The Walking Dead theme song on loop during Thanksgiving dinner.
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Can't wait to hide in the bathroom and avoid talking to everyone in my family on thanksgiving.
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Keep Thanksgiving guests from falling asleep on your couch by infusing the gravy with cocaine.
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Feels like I'm at the bottom of a well and people are trying to save me but I'm like "Go away. I wanna die here. It's cool. Happy Thanksgiving"
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Thanksgiving with my distant relatives is like Thanksgiving with the Lannisters except they're less attractive and say the n-word a lot.
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Get into the Thanksgiving spirit by jiggling under your girlfriend's unsuspecting upper arm and saying "gobble gobble gobble!"
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Sorry you have to sit at the kid's table this Thanksgiving, but we had to switch someone with Elmo.
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Now when something awkward happens, I'm going to rank it from "slightly awkward" to "Petraeus family Thanksgiving awkward."
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Add authenticity to your Thanksgiving festivities by decorating with gourds, and summarily executing Hopi tribal villagers with muskets.
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Twitter20 of 20Next: Last Week's Most Hilarious Tweets
Why does everyone wait until Thanksgiving to see how much shit they can stuff in a turkey's ass?
RULE No30
If you have friends who split the check down to the penny, you need new friends.
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