Always have gum or mints on hand.
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By Cory Jones
Nov 20, 2012
Walking with two friends on sidewalk, ALWAYS end up behind.
Didn't ask GFs parents what to call them, two years later, still just talks in their direction.
Starts telling funny story, realizes halfway through that nobody is going to find it funny.
Tries to compliment female colleague, "There are fatter girls than you."
Waiter reaches for menu after ordering, SHAKES HAND.
Friend talks to someone you don't know, just stand there in silence.
Accidentally makes a sound that sounds like a fart, keeps making it to confirm that it wasn't a fart.
Tries to hold back sneeze in quiet environment, makes awful alien like noise that gets everyone's attention.
Open birthday card, pretend not to notice money inside while reading card.
Has imaginary argument in head, makes corresponding facial expressions and looks insane.
Tells friends an interesting story, he's the one who told you about it before
Someones shopping cart is blocking the item you wanted to get, acts inensely interested in the surrounding items until they move.
Notices a girl's whistle and asks if it's a rape whistle, she says yes. Asks "Does it work?"
Already used "Haha" at beginning of text message, use "Lol" at the end.
Staring into space right at someone's face, chest, or ass.
5 seconds of nudity in movie, exactly when parents walk in.
See somebody familiar in distance, look at ground until foot away.
Tries to stalk crush on Facebook, puts her name as status.
The awkward moment when your sarcasm is so advanced people actually think you are stupid.
Subway girl: "Bread?" Me: "Yes, please."
Had awkward conversation, replay it over and over in your head later.
Hold bathroom door for guy behind you, one person bathroom.
Has terrific memory, acts forgetful to not seem like a stalker.
Positive you know someone's name, still scared to death of using it in case you are wrong.
Purposefully sit next to cute girl in class, don't say a word to her all semester.
Girl shows you pictures of her Facebook, pretend like you're seeing them for the first time.
Teacher is taking atendance, heart rate rapidly increases in anticipation of saying "here".
Opens laptop in front row, forgot to close porn.
"Sorry bro I really can't make it to your wedding.." "Perhaps next time."
Tries to take just sweatshirt off in class. Nope, everything.
Can hear self chewing, chew slower becasue everyone else might hear it too.
Leave girl's house, fart the entire way home.
Is about to order pizza, gets nervous and rehearses the order a few times before dialing.
Say something funny, only one person hears. Person repeats it, everyone laughs.
Walks up flight of stairs, becomes aware of breathing & holds breath so no one thinks he's out of shape.
Remember embarassing event from years ago, cringe and obsess over what could have been done differently.
Teacher displays lost jacket in front of class, didn't like it anyway.
Remember funny joke, try to hold back laughter, spend next 5 minutes making snorting sounds.
Gets hit on by girl, realizes it 3 years later.
Send e-mail, immediately go to sent items and read it again.
Go to a store wearing something you bought there, get nervous they'll think you're trying to steal it.
Type out elaborate response to crush, erase and send "Haha" instead.
Try to take part in a conversation, nobody heard you.
Be polite, hold the door. They are slightly too far away.
Play with pen in class, pen shoots 25 yards away.
Don't hear what they said, smile and hope it wasn't a question.
"Ok class, find a partner."
Oh God No.
Waiter says "Enjoy your food" Respond "You too".
"Let's go around the room and have everyone say something about themselves." FUCK.
Finish test first, wait for someone else to turn theirs in first.