Your third drink will lead you astray.
Get a little rise in your mornings by signing up for the MANDATORY newsletter.
By Cory Jones
Nov 19, 2012
We live in an amazing country, with amazing privileges. We also have amazing problems.
My soda is so big, that it went flat before I finished it.
Forgot I was watching a recording, sat through commercials.
I'm so full, that it's uncomfortable.
My illegal download, is taking sooo long.
Got caught up with a new T.V. series, now I have to wait a week between each episode.
One of these delicious nachos, just stabbed me in the roof of my mouth.
Shoe came untied, had to re-tie it, now it's tighter than the other one.
Too rich for financial aid, too poor to pay for college.
I want food from the back of the fridge, but it's blocked by all the food in the front of the fridge.
I am kind of hungry, but my roommate has guests over and if I go to the kitchen I'll have to introduce myself.
I want to find the name of the techno song I like, but it doesn't have any lyrics.
I had something witty to say, but the topic was changed before I could say it.
My first class seat was so comfortable, I fell asleep and missed the inflight movie.
My house is so big, Wi-Fi signal is weak in my room.
I never get to miss school, my immune system is too strong.
The channel I switch to during commercials, is also showing commercials.
My house is so new, that my car's GPS can't find it.
This bag is so full of fries, I can't reach my burger.
The cashmere lining in my calfskin gloves, keeps getting stuck on my diamond engagement ring.
Spent too long on the toilet playing on my phone, now my legs are asleep.
I want Chik-Fil-A, but it's Sunday.
Had to wear a winter coat out to the bars, now I have to hold on to it the whole night.
I want to wear my headphones while I fall asleep, but I like sleeping on my side.
Too old for highschool parties, too young for bars.
My HDTV is too thin, the Wii sensor bar falls off.
Mom asks what I want for Christmas, can't think of anything.
5 minute drive, the radio was on a commercial break the whole time.
Misspelled the URL once, browsers first suggestion is always wrong.
Bite into chocolate chip cookie, it's oatmeal raisin.
Eating chips, can't hear TV.
Made a witty status on Facebook, mother commented on it first.
Staying with relatives, they don't know their Wi-Fi password.
College essay prompt is about overcoming obstacles, I haven't had any obstacles.
My burger shifted while I was eating it, now I have too much bun.
There's nothing to drink at home, except a virtually unlimited supply of clean fresh drinking water.
Have to take a shit at work, but the cleaning lady is in the bathroom.
I want to watch this YouTube video, but I'm already listening to music at the same time.
The car my parents bought me to replace the one I totaled, IS USED.
Someone didn't refill the Brita pitcher, and now I have to wait 30 seconds for water.
I was looking for a song on YouTube, but all I could find were live versions.
Opened the can, befoer I saw "Shake Well".
I have to wake up at 4 AM, becasue I'm going on vacation.
Too tired to get up to pee, need to pee so bad I can't fall asleep anymore.
Just used my last Pandora skip for the hour, next song is even worse.
I'm so hungry, but I don't want to cook.
Go to take poop, forget to bring smartphone.
One pillow is too low, two pillows is too high.
Sat down in living room with dinner, got comfortable, I left my drink in the kitchen.
The dialogue in the movie is too low, but the music and sound effects are too loud.
I hate my Government, but I live too comfortably to get motivated enough to do anything about it.
Wanted to play an old computer game, but my computer is so advanced it didn't run it properly.
Got hired, will have to start waking up early again.