MAN INHERITS 13,000 CLOWN-RELATED ITEMS
Whenever someone near and dear to us passes away, it’s never easy. This is especially the case if the dearly departed leaves you with a crap load of clown paraphernalia.
This is exactly what happened to Richard Levine, 58, of Fort Lauderdale, Florida when his father-in-law passed away and left him 13,000 clown items. The collection includes everything from clown dolls to clown puppets to clown photographs to clown costumes.
Levine’s father-in-law, Jack “Clown Jackey” Kline had spent over 50 years building this excessive collection. It took Levine six round trips in a 30-foot truck to move the entire collection from Kline’s to a warehouse near his own home. He hasn’t had much time through go through the assortment of clowns, but once he does, he hopes to sell some, keep some, and donate the rest.
Now that's a clown story, bro.
BRITISH MAN'S BRAND NEW IN-LAWS HOLD HIM HOSTAGE FOR HIS LIFE SAVINGS
56 year-old Paul Fitzpatrick thought he struck gold when he met and fell in love with 30 year-old Mbarka while on a vacation in Tunisia. He felt such an attachment to the young lady, that the two were wed just a few short months after meeting.
With Fitzpatrick in Britain and Mbarka in Tunisia, they had to maintain a long distance marriage. On a regular basis, Fitzpatrick sent money to his new bride so that she would be able to pay rent. Eventually, he made his way back to Tunisia for a long honeymoon and to meet his bride’s family.
The honeymoon didn’t last very long, however, considering the fact that his new in-laws locked him in a bedroom the very first night of his visit and held him hostage for ten days. They threatened to chop off his fingers if he didn’t hand over his entire life savings.
“They took all the money I had on me, my laptop and clothes. They were demanding cash and cards and telling me to phone the bank for more money. I was locked up until the money came through from England. I have nothing left. She must have had £20,000 (around $32,000) from me.”
Fitzpatrick was able to make an escape and get safely to the British Embassy before he eventually made it home.
As a precaution from now on, can we as men all agree to never buy into a women 30 years our younger actually being able to have any physical or romantic attraction to us?
CARDBOARD CUTOUT COP STOLEN FROM SUPERMARKET
Upon first glance, the supermarket security cop to the left looks rather intimidating. Unfortunately, if a shopper walked by too briskly and created a slight breeze, he'd be on his back in no time. He's also apparently very easy to pick up and take home.
That's because the cop pictured is a cardboard cut-out that had been installed at a Sainsbury's Local supermarket in Shafton, Barnsley, UK to deter shoplifters. The cut-out stands six-feet tall and goes by the name of PC Bobb. Bobb was stolen last Saturday and has since appeared to turn to a life of partying, even appearing on a number of social networking sites.
While Greater Manchester Police made claims that the cardboard cut-outs had trimmed shoplifting by 75 percent, residents found them comical. In 2010 Essex Police put an end to their 2,000 pound project when the cut-outs were continually stolen.
As of the writing of this story, PC Bobb had not been returned. If you see a stiff-looking police man hanging out at parties with kids half his age, please alert the authorities.
FATHER ACCIDENTALLY LEFT BEHIND AT GAS STATION ON FAMILY VACATION
A father from Texas was travelling with his family through Memphis on a summer road trip when they made the typical stop for food and gas. Due to some confusion about who was sitting where, the rest of the family hit the road again without realizing that the father had gone inside to get change for gas.
The man revealed that he had made numerous attempts to get in touch with his family, including calling his own cell phone, which was still in the van. "Six different cell phones and nobody answers, and my phone is in there because it's on the charger and nobody answers it, and then it starts going straight to voicemail. I mean, that's odd."
The man panicked because his initial thought was that his children had been kidnapped, but he was eventually able to reach them by using a nearby motel's computer to contact someone on Facebook who could help him get in touch with them.
The family had traveled around 100 miles away when they were finally contacted and made aware of their blunder. They were eventually all reunited and realized it was just a big mistake.
DIVERS RESCUE BLOW-UP DOLL FROM SEA
When Turkish residents thought they saw a struggling swimmer fighting to stay afloat, they called the police immediately. A team of Turkish rescuers sprung into action and quickly found a victim who wasn’t capable of drowning – because it was an inflatable sex doll.
Multiple concerned residents phoned in the mystery swimmer to local authorities. The doll was floating in the Black Sea in Turkey and the calls prompted police to cordon off a portion of the beach stretching along the northern Samsun province. Police sent a diving team into the water on the rescue mission.
Upon returning to shore, the “victim” was deflated and disposed of in the trash. No word yet on where the doll came from – and, to be honest, we highly doubt anyone will ever own up to it.
TRUCK DRIVER SPILLS 24 TONS OF SARDINES ON ROAD
As if the Polish aren't made fun of enough, here's a story out of Kolobrzeg to make sure the jokes just keep on coming.
A not-so-bright truck driver forgot to close the back door of the truck he was using to transport a ridiculous amount of sardines. The end result of his stupidity was the comedic littering of a long trail of tons and tons of the tiny fish over a long stretch of road. The driver is being fined more than $7,000 to cover the cost of cleaning the road.
The picture to your right will make you say "holy carp." It is 100-percent "reel." It'll make you wonder how bad the road "smelt." Let us know when you're tired of "herring" fish puns.
WOMEN KEEPS MUMMIFIED BODY OF DEAD BOYFRIEND IN HER HOME FOR 2 YEARS
It's hard not to think about someone you love after they've passed away.
This is especially true if their corpse happens to be propped up in your living room.
In Jackson, Mich., a woman will possibly face charges after the police found the body of her boyfriend in her home after he had apparently been dead for close to two years.
The body of Charles William Zigler, 67, was mummified and discovered upright in a living room chair in the home the two shared together. No foul play is suspected since the medical examiner came to the conclusion that Zigler had died of natural causes sometime in December 2010.
Zigler's girlfriend, 71, let the police into her home when they had been contacted by concerned family members to check on him. When the body was discovered, she admitted that she knew he was dead and had simply covered him up.
Further investigation will decide whether or not the woman should be charged with a crime.
MAN LANDS JOB AFTER THREATENING TO CUT OFF BOSS'S FINGERS
A 26-year-old man in eastern Sweden became incredibly upset when he wasn't offered the job he had interviewed for. So he did what anyone would do in that situation: drove to the business owner's home later that day to threaten to kill the man and his family if he wasn't offered the job then and there.
The man entered his future boss's home along with a whole plethora of potential torture devices including a hunting knife, a pair of pliers, an iron pipe and a cutting board. When the business owner didn't give in immediately, the man told him that he would cut off his fingers if he wasn't offered the job.
Caring very deeply about keeping all 10 of his fingers, the business owner eventually gave in to his new employee of the year's demands and offered him the job. The freshly employed man then showed even more initiative by demanding that his new boss give him his car as well. The business owner even had to go so far as signing an owner transfer certificate to the car.
Remember, kids: don't take no for an answer. The man in this story started the day unemployed and vehicle-less and then all of a sudden he was a working man with a sweet ride.
Of course, once the cops were called, he was arrested and now faces charges for blackmail, assault, making illegal threats, and obstruction of justice. But don't let those minor details ruin this feel-good story.
BOYFRIEND ALMOST DIES AFTER MAILING HIMSELF TO GIRLFRIEND
A boy in southern China came up with the brilliant plan to mail himself in a box to his girlfriend in honor of her birthday. When the package arrived at the office where the girl worked, she opened it (along with a friend who was in the know to record the event) and found her boyfriend completely passed out.
The boy didn’t think it would take very long for the delivery to be made, but apparently, the sealed box was lost in the post office for three hours. After paramedics had revived him, he explained, “I didn’t realize it would take so long. I tried to make a hole in the cardboard but it was too thick and I didn’t want to spoil the surprise by shouting.”
CHINESE POLICE RESCUE SEX DOLL FROM RIVER
In China, police rushed to the scene in the province of Shandong after receiving a call that a body was floating lifelessly in a river. A crew of 18 policemen worked together to do everything they could to retrieve the body from the water.
It didn't take long for a huge crowd to gather to watch their heroic law enforcement in action. Over 1,000 spectators made their way to the scene creating a traffic jam that was so heavy, it kept firefighters from reaching the action to help out.
But the whole mess was worth it when all was said and done. After 40 minutes of hard work by the Chinese police department, the spectators were able to witness the rescue of what turned out to be an inflatable sex doll.
From far away, the deflated, plastic ex-love of some lonely human had everyone fooled. The police officers involved said that until the doll was close enough, it was difficult to differentiate the floating piece of trash from an actual human body.
After the police officers had gotten over the shame of using so much time and manpower to save a sex toy, they revealed their damsel in distress to the huge crowd who probably either blushed in embarrassment or vomited profusely before they decided it was time to leave.
The Chinese really need to brush up on their ability to identify sex toys.
MAN SENTENCED FOR USING JOB AT DRIVE-THROUGH TO SELL CHILD PORN
Do you want fries with your child porn?
A man was tossed into prison by a judge in San Antonio, Texas on Wednesday for using his job as a drive-through-window worker to sell child pornography.
Juan Antonio Rosa, 36, had been working at the drive-through of a Wendy's in South Texas since 2010. He began working at the fast food chain shortly after he had been released from prison for a state child-porn conviction. He was given the job as a second chance despite his past mistakes.
Rosa used the new opportunity as a way to set up the illegal operation at the fast-food chain. The way Rosa set it up allowed patrons who were in the know to secretly request to have child pornography tossed in with their Baconators and Frosties.
Rosa's superiors were completely unaware of the illegal activity that was taking place within their establishment. Buyers were prompted to use certain code words so the scheme would be kept under wraps. All buyers had to do was utter the code words "Scooby Doo" at some point during their order which would prompt Rosa to add a memory card loaded with the illegal content to their bag of food.
Rosa will now spend the next 22 years looking through a much different window: one with bars.
Next: Signs It's A Slow News Day
MAN CAUGHT HAVING SEX WITH A TEDDY BEAR (AGAIN)
What's worse than being arrested for having sex with a teddy bear in public?How about being arrested for having sex with a teddy bear in public for the fourth time?
This is exactly what happened on Wednesday night to Charles Marshall, 28, of Cincinnati. Marshall was arrested after employees at a nearby health clinic contacted the authorities when they noticed him getting his romance on with the plush temptress in a nearby alley.Marshall was cited for disorderly conduct, but records from the Municipal Courts show that this is actually the fourth time that he has been brought in for performing the lewd act in public. He was arrested twice in 2010 and once in 2011. After a few short jail sentences and some minor fines, Marshall was out on the streets again preying on all of the unsuspecting and innocent cousins of Fozzie and Winnie the Pooh.
There were no comments from the victim of the incident since the bear was not a Teddy Ruxpin doll.