If you've had the same haircut since you were 8, it's time for a change, my friend.
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By Cory Jones
Sep 28, 2012
Chances are you've seen these people zooming around the Sbarro at the mall, but have you ever seen them ordering a McDouble at the drive through? Some people say obesity is a disease, others call it a lifestyle.
"My sweats are getting a little snug..."
"Hey! I need one of you damn kids to take me out for my errands today! Hey! Answer me damnit!"
"Sir, your children put you in this assisted living facility...they aren't here."
"Ah the hell with 'em! I'll do it myself! ...damn foreigners..."
"Alright, we race to panties, turn right, and finish up in tires."
"What are you looking at you rascals?! What?! What is so funny about me saying ras...oh damnit..."
"No DIET coke...close one."
"Who says I have to walk down here? Now where the hell is the Cinnabon?"
"I won't stop for kids, they have to learn."
"I didn't pay for shit!"
"So you think we have a case? All I ate was meatball subs from Subway for three years and I didn't lose a single pound!"
"Sir, chew with your mouth closed, you're embarassing yourself."
"I told you this wasn't practical! But nooooooooooo! You and your male ego..."
"I have to go to the bathroom, I'll meet up with you all in 6 hours."
I'm sure she's exhausted from all of her hard work.
"I thought I'd go to the park for a little exercise."
"No I don't want spare change. BACON! Read the sign."
"Well what's it going to be green pants? You gonna help me or just stand there dressed like a gay superhero?"
"No, the basket actually hurts worse."
"They told me I couldn't come in without a shirt. I showed them!"
"Ummmm hello? I know good and well I'm heavy enough to make the bell ring!"
"Well alright, you can take it, as long as you make it all instagramy."
"I said get me a 'snap back'! That's what the kids are wearing nowadays. I'm gonna look super old now!"
Have it your way, and her way is BOLD.
"Ugh...they forgot my spicy mustard? Now I have to go back in that line...some people need to get their act together."
"Get back here bitch!"
So ninjas do retire to Florida.
"You guys are open that late?! Hot diggity. I'm coming back later!"