This Week's 20 Inappropriately Hilarious Tweets

@JeffKlinger

 Love Me Back You Piece Of Shit

@BlitznBeans

"I Wish." - Chris Martin watching the end of Seven.

@MrsRupertPupkin

If some slut tries to steal your boyfriend, remember, that's actually her husband, and you're very drunk.

@Brandamonium 

Gonna use this Obamacare to get some sweet ass robot arms

@5_oclock_shadow

I woke up with a zit on my lip; to avoid any confusion, I wrote "NOT HERPES" next to it in a ball point pen.

@knifesex

If you fall asleep in bed with an electronic cigarette, you wake up in the Matrix

@ThisPartyisLame

I ate my coworker's banana; then walked past her wearing the peel as a hat just so she knows I'm not scared of her.

@thomastowell

I'm going to dress up as Bank of America for Halloween and take candy from kids when they come to my door.

@lafix

I'm just a girl, standing in front of a boy, wishing he was a little bit taller, wishing he was a baller

@senderblock23

Pat Benetar struck gold with 'Love is a Battlefield', but 'Nam vets bristled at her follow up single "Charlie is Everywhere"

@ieatanddrink

Brad Pitt: Doc, did you ever see my movie "Seven" with me and Morgurt Freeman? Doctor" I think you mean Morgan. Brad: Sorry, Morgurt Morgan  

@AngeGold

Jenne Jameson arrested for DUI. If she loses her license she'll just have to take the Bang Bus everywhere.

@johnfreiler

Spoiler alert: in "the dark knight rises," cat woman only makes 75% of what Bane makes for the exact same crimes.

@ShawnHatosy

If texting while driving was an Olympic sport, I bet Lindsay Lohan woud crash into it.

@TheSeanBrewster

Dislikes: waterfalls Likes: the rivers and the lakes that I'm used to.

@LauraCavallier 

Most of what I call "cooking" is just melting cheese on stuff.

@itsa_talia

Milk and chocolate syrup: The greatest story of interracial love against all odds the world has ever known

@justin_kanew

I don't care if I have a baby in each arm, I'm air-drumming the Phil Collins' "In the Air Tonight" breakdown