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Another week, another batch of inappropriately hilarious tweets compiled just for you. Be sure to follow these guys and gals, and check back here every week for more jokes you can tell your friends and pretend you came up with them yourself. They’ll think you’re hilarious, but inside you’ll be cold and dead.
Follow @robfee on Twitter, and check out his bestselling comedy album, "Grape Stomp," on iTunes.
At the end of lost in translation Bill Murray whispered "yolo" into scarlet johansson's ear
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Kids are the worst CIA agents. I KNOW WATERBOARDING SUCKS KATIE BUT YOU CAN'T TELL THE TALIBAN EVERYTHING FOR A CAPRI SUN YOU IDIOT
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The world is never more impressed than when a white person sings like a black person.
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Do you wake in the middle of the night with a cold sweat & sad aching in your heart? I think it's because we all miss Rick Moranis so much.
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The coolest thing I ever found while grave robbing was a fanny pack was a fanny pack with another fanny pack inside with a drawing of a fanny pack inside it
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The most depressing thing about Intervention is how bad the family members are at reading aloud.
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I wish there were gloryholes for hugs.
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I Am Legend is a much more realistic movie if you imagine everyone left New York City to avoid Will Smith.
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"Oh, FYI, you have a paper cut." - nail polish remover
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Our country is the kid who wears a shirt in the pool.
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If I was a dude and fingered a girl and she later accomplished something big I would say, "I had a hand in that" and then wink at her dad
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69-ing is rad because you get to simultaneously give and receive subpar, strained oral sex with your nose inside a butt.
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"Let's sleep in when we can't sleep in, and not sleep in when we can sleep in" - children
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My mom says my sister's so pretty she'll have to beat boys off with a stick, which makes me wonder what kind of weird handjobs my mom gives.
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When I see a bruised apple at the market, I give it a soft hug and whisper, "Who did this to you?"
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I think the most exciting part of sex is when I turn on the light and the couple finally sees me.
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my legs are so white they just asked me to go to brunch sunday
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Just got off the phone with my mom. She had a nice talk.
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Twitter19 of 20
How many times did people question the honesty of Shakira's hips before she finally decided to defend them in a song?
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Twitter20 of 20Next: Last Week's 20 Inappropriately Hilarious Tweets
"That shit cray" - Asian man pointing to pottery
RULE No60
Your third drink will lead you astray.
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