This Week's 20 Inappropriately Hilarious Tweets

@Dave_Horwitz

Comedians should stop trying. Nothing will ever be funnier than the part in that Backstreet Boys song where the guy asks, "Am I sexual?"

@jakefogelnest

If I can get Richard Belzer, Biz Markie and Willem Dafoe in a room together, I'm pretty sure I could get them to start Bel Biz Dafoe.

@MostlyPregnant

I still wear a training bra. My Boobs are dumb, cheerful interns. The company is failing. No one in he office even knows what we make here

@capricecane

"No, no, no. Not YOUR mom!" - Oedipus's buddy, explaining what a MILF is.

@NerdsNWhey

My favorite part of any Enrique Iglesias song is during the bridge where he chants rejected Dorito flavors.

@IAmEnidColeslaw

Finding out Santa Claus was fake would have been far less traumatic if he hadn't told me while he was inside me.

@anjeanettec

Girls who say "I hate drama" can usually be found drunk and crying on a public toilet.

@JensenClan88

My favorite Bachelor archetype is the single mother who's too busy w/ her son to date, but leaves for 3 months to compete in a reality show

@BrainCum

I know domestic violence, like my girlfriend knows the back of my hand.

@nachosarah

I love in Pretty Woman when she shows that mean saleslady she's not a whore by getting the rich guy she's blowing to buy clothes for her

@kramediggles

Sucks when a coworker asks how your weekend was & you meant to say "good" but it came out as "Fuck you, Natalie"

@000__000

I'm like a bird, I'll only swim away, I don't know what a bird is.

@parker287

If your lawyer has a ponytail or a cowboy hat, you're going to jail.

@rachow

No one has it as bad as a fat chick with tiny boobs.

@joeveix

Sad to learn that the confetti dropped on Times Square was made by shredding orphans' letters to Santa.

@cool_pond

it's the remix to ignition / r. kelly are you a christian / you know that jesus still loves you / no matter on who you are pissin

@SeanBlazed

"I hate you so much I could just rip my own ass off and die!" ~ Bees

@ahelvie

I'm getting concerned that Beyonce never told those single ladies to put their hands down and now there's a bunch of unfed cats out there