Absolutely Ridiculous and Crazy Japanese Products

Hay Fever Hat

When pocket-sized tissues just won’t do, or when you’ve got diarrhea and are headed to a sporting event, the Hay Fever Hat comes in handy.

Girlfriend’s Lap Pillow

Buy this for the perpetually single guy at work to keep him from killing himself.

360 Degree Camera

So sleek and subtle, we predict that spies across the globe will soon be wearing this virtual crown of cameras.

Sleep at Work Stickers

Fool your boss and catch some ZZZ’s. Also get stabbed by a band of coworkers who think you’re a zombie.

Noodle Eater Guard

Since the ponytail apparently hasn’t hit Asia yet, someone developed this product for long-haired lasses who want to have their noodles and eat them too.

Shoebrellas

Keep 10 percent of your shoe dry! Remain defenseless against splashing! No need to buy these babies, though. Just hit up your nearest bartender for some cocktail umbrellas and you’ve got yourself a fun DIY project.

Vertigo Soothing Glasses

These will help your dizziness but hurt your sexiness.

The Boyfriend Pillow

Girl: We're going to be together forever, boyfriend pillow.

Boyfriend Pillow: I think we should see other people.

Air Conditioned Cooling Shirt

Is that a fan in your shirt or are you just puffy enough to pop?

Personal Rain Saver

Save the environment and injure your back lugging around a giant jug of water.

Aluminum Facial Spa

Why go to the spa when you can strap this puppy on and steam your face with your own nasty breath? The product doubles as an awesome Iron Man mask. 

Anatomical Sleeping Bag

Let murderers wandering the woods know exactly where to stab you.

Anti-Aging Mouthpiece

We’re pretty sure this supposed fountain of youth is really just a way husbands can get some quiet time.

Jean Underwear

Put those scissors down and don’t you dare touch those Wranglers. Becoming a nevernude is easier than ever.

Beau Bust Roller

This roller, in combo with some very special cream, stimulates breast growth but more importantly, encourages self-touching.

Bored Chinning Preventer

Thwart the thinker pose and encourage self-inflicted puncture wounds with this successor to brass knuckles.

Used Panty Vending Machine

Should I get the boyshorts with the skidmarks or the thong with the sex stains? One of life’s many difficult decisions.

Butterfly Beauty Nose Clip

It may affect your breathing and crush your nose cartilage, but at least you'll look completely ridiculous while wearing it!

Dictionary Desk Pillow

This pillow sewn into the binding of a dictionary helps you nap at work. While you’ll be refreshed, you may also be fired when your boss realizes he hired the only person under 70 who still uses a print dictionary.

Portable Washing Machine

“Wash clothes as you walk” is totally the new “whistle while you work.”

Edible Feces Meat

A uniquely disgusting scientist has invented a way to separate the wheat from the chaff (almost literally) in feces so that our dung is nutritious.

Face Slimming Mouthpiece

Who knew that all it takes to fight sagging facial skin and wrinkles is a set of cartoonish lips you wear a few minutes a day while making mouth movements?

Facial Exercise Mask

Designed to tighten saggy cheeks, this product’s perfect for your career as a Guadalajaran luchador.

High-Heel Training Wheels

Install these on your underage gal pal’s pumps and she’ll be strutting like a hooker in no time. Or flying around the mall like a kid with Heelys. Likely the latter.

The Poop Hat

This one doesn't need much explanation.

Magnifying Glass Cigarette Lighter

Those damn lighters are just too difficult to use anyway. This is much easier.

Subway Chinrest

Anything to avoid sitting next to the drunk homeless man who just wet himself.

Mother’s Milk

Delicious, wholesome and pumped straight from a nursing woman’s breast into the carton. Get your Vitamin D and your Vitamin T.

Nose Straightener

Fix your schnoz with this daily dose of discomfort that can also be used as a gruesome torture device.

Simultaneous Nail Clipper

You may sacrifice your fingertips, but you won’t waste time.

Slipper Dustpan

Make a mess and clean it up one dust particle at a time with these pixie-sized shoes. In addition to goose-shit green, the slippers come in puke yellow and blood red.

Anti-Rape Dress

No need to walk your honey home at night. In just 17 easy steps, this dress becomes a vending machine that will fool rapists aged 4 and under.

Sound-Absorbing Vase

You’ll look insane but feel peachy keen after screaming like a banshee into this inert object.

Vocal Strengthener

Go from Britney to Whitney and adult to infant with this dual singing trainer/pacifier.

The Baby Mop

Having a baby mostly sucks, so why not take advantage of an opportunity to put the little rascal to use?

The Nipple Scarf

Tie them in a knot, tie them in a bow, because these granny boobs definitely hang low.

Noodle Fan

Cool your food without wasting your precious breath. Or be a man and eat your damn noodles.

The Subway Hat

Make yourself an easier target for pickpockets and gropers by suctioning your head to the train wall.

The Umbrella Ghost

If you’ve always wanted to dress like a possessed inanimate object, this costume’s for you. Umbrella ghosts are actual beings in Japanese mythology that we assume were popularized whenever hallucinogenic drugs hit Asia.

Toilet Sound Blocker

Need to punish your toilet but afraid someone will hear your butt burps? Use this keychain to make a fake flushing sound. Or you could just cough. Yeah, just cough.

Utility Eating Gloves

Before they made "Edward Scissorhands," they thought about Edward Utility Eating Glove Hands.

Breast Pudding

Doesn’t everything taste better from a breast? 

Umbrella Headband

The Japanese really love to make alterations to the umbrella. With this headband, you can stay dry while strengthening your neck and lengthening your headache.

Umbrella Tie

Yes, another umbrella product.