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Twitter1 of 20
Another week, another batch of inappropriately hilarious tweets compiled just for you. Be sure to follow these guys and gals, and check back here every week for more jokes you can tell your friends and pretend you came up with them yourself. They’ll think you’re hilarious, but inside you’ll be cold and dead.
Follow @robfee on Twitter, and check out his bestselling comedy album, "Grape Stomp," on iTunes.My favorite car is the Dodge Avenger, because sure, I run errands, but occasionally I just want to get out and find my father's killer.
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Twitter2 of 20
You better watch out, you better not cry, better not pout, I'm telling you why: you're 11 years old and you have an iPhone, you little shit.
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Twitter3 of 20
My new jeans are so tight that literally the only comfortable way to stand is by leaning on an '83 Trans Am.
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Twitter4 of 20
Kids can be cruel. Mine tore my vagina open with his face.
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Twitter5 of 20
strangers get so mad when you get their husband's gender wrong
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Twitter6 of 20
Tom Cruise is one of those guys who makes you watch him play single player video games.
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Twitter7 of 20
if you're literally asking me to choose between our relationship and my obsession with pointing out doors to people, well there's the door.
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Twitter8 of 20
As a retarded faggot, I'm finding many of these YouTube comments quite off-putting.
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Twitter9 of 20
Nobody seeks approval like the guy walking back from the jukebox.
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Twitter10 of 20
I wouldn't even know what to do during a threesome. Jazz hands, probably.
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Twitter11 of 20
Each year more people die in bathtub accidents than plane accidents, but any idiot thinking they can fly a bathtub deserves what they get.
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Twitter12 of 20
Every elevator should have the "2" button replaced with "Congratulations, fatass."
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Twitter13 of 20
Okay what if Andre 3000 met a cat instead of Big Boi and they were called OutKatz and they sang "Hey Meow" no one was ever sad what if?
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Twitter14 of 20
I've dated so many douchebags I have a bluetooth callus on my inner thigh.
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Twitter15 of 20
If you beep your horn .004 seconds after the light changes green, I will shut off the car, lay on the hood and feed the birds for an hour.
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Twitter16 of 20
I want to get drunk. Like "speaking in cursive" drunk.
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Twitter17 of 20
The internet at my folks' house is so slow, I'm masturbating to forehead pictures and modem noise.
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Twitter18 of 20
I can only imagine Hugh Hefner ejaculating is like a really weak firecracker going off in a bag of flour.
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Twitter19 of 20
My only real concern is the lack of seat belts on the bangbus.
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Twitter20 of 20Next: 20 More Inappropriately Hilarious Tweets
The Elephant Man has got to be the worst superhero movie I've ever seen.
RULE No19
If someone's in the bathroom stall next to you, cool it with the grunting and groaning.
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1 Comment
you must live in NYC...
June 25 2012 at 3:51 PM Report abuse Permalink rate up rate down Reply