This Week's 20 Inappropriately Hilarious Tweets

@KaseyAnderson

You better watch out, you better not cry, better not pout, I'm telling you why: you're 11 years old and you have an iPhone, you little shit. 

@DJRotaryRachel

My new jeans are so tight that literally the only comfortable way to stand is by leaning on an '83 Trans Am.

@stephanieclient

Kids can be cruel. Mine tore my vagina open with his face.

@alisonforns

strangers get so mad when you get their husband's gender wrong

@RorynotRoy

Tom Cruise is one of those guys who makes you watch him play single player video games.

@ingmarbirdman

if you're literally asking me to choose between our relationship and my obsession with pointing out doors to people, well there's the door. 

@biorhythmist

As a retarded faggot, I'm finding many of these YouTube comments quite off-putting.

@Cameron_Slade

Nobody seeks approval like the guy walking back from the jukebox.

@UncleDynamite

I wouldn't even know what to do during a threesome. Jazz hands, probably. 

@TheBosha

Each year more people die in bathtub accidents than plane accidents, but any idiot thinking they can fly a bathtub deserves what they get. 

@MiahSaint

Every elevator should have the "2" button replaced with "Congratulations, fatass."

@grantpa

Okay what if Andre 3000 met a cat instead of Big Boi and they were called OutKatz and they sang "Hey Meow" no one was ever sad what if?

@STACEYNIGHTMARE

I've dated so many douchebags I have a bluetooth callus on my inner thigh.

@ToneLoaf

If you beep your horn .004 seconds after the light changes green, I will shut off the car, lay on the hood and feed the birds for an hour. 

@PaulyPeligroso

I want to get drunk. Like "speaking in cursive" drunk. 

@VocabuLarry

The internet at my folks' house is so slow, I'm masturbating to forehead pictures and modem noise.

@ixSEANxi

I can only imagine Hugh Hefner ejaculating is like a really weak firecracker going off in a bag of flour. 

@ShawnGarrett

My only real concern is the lack of seat belts on the bangbus.