Sometimes you love a movie so much that you can’t wait for the next chapter. Other times, you hope they go out on a high note and the words “part two” are never uttered. Then there are those you couldn’t care less about one way or the other. Any of these could apply to the following list of 15 sequels you have probably never even heard of. Warning: there are some spoilers, but you shouldn't care.
"The Fly II"
Starring: Eric Stoltz, Daphne Zuniga
Jeff Goldblum became a giant fly and had his head blown off at the end of the first film. So yes, you can safely assume this movie is a name-only sequel in terms of the stars and writers. But it’s got the Roman numeral two, which is way more badass. Let’s hope this was the last sequel to the franchise that is made, putting this series II rest for good.
"Universal Soldier II: Brothers in Arms" and "Universal Soldier III: Unfinished Business"
Starring: Matt Battaglia, Andrew Jackson
This one’s confusing, but hang in there. We had to use the full titles instead of just "Universal Soldier 2" and "Universal Soldier 3" because "Universal Soldier: The Return" and "Universal Soldier: Regeneration" are the true sequels to the original "Universal Soldier," and Jean-Claude Van Damme’s (triumphant?) return to the franchise. The sequels mentioned in the heading are the straight-to-video sequels made before “Universal Soldier: The Return” and often ignored entirely, even though the main characters were still in them, only played by different actors. And for the two hardcore Dolph Lundgren fans still reading this, another true sequel, “Universal Soldier: Day of Reckoning,” is being released late this summer.
"Christmas Vacation 2: Cousin Eddie’s Island Adventure"
Starring: Randy Quaid, Miriam Flynn
Randy Quaid is the funniest part of the “Vacation” series for many of its fans, but that doesn’t prevent this made-for-TV movie from being a real stinker. Probably best to keep Cousin Eddie to small servings. Save the neck for me, Clark.
"My Summer Story"/"Ollie Hopnoodle’s Haven of Bliss"
Starring: Kieran Culkin/Jerry O’Connell
In the same vein as the previous entry, these two films are follow-ups to another holiday movie you may have heard of: “A Christmas Story.” Hope you’re a huge Ms. Shields fan, though, because she’s the only familiar face you’re going to see in “My Summer Story” (originally titled “It Runs in the Family”), even though it again revolves around the character Ralphie and his family. Without subjecting you to the plot details, let’s just say that even Jean Shepherd, the narrator, writer and inspiration behind the films, called this one “a real turkey.” It also bombed at the box office. “Ollie Hopnoodle’s Haven of Bliss,” the made-for-TV second sequel, was perhaps a bit more well-received, but just pretend neither exist to be safe and sleep better tonight.
Starring: Sam Shepard, Eduardo Noriega
Probably the most unknown on this list due to the fact it was theatrically released only just last year and is not necessarily a proper sequel to “Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid” so to speak, this story follows an old-man version of Butch Cassidy, who now goes by the name James Blackhorn. He somehow survived the events of the previous film and has come out of hiding in Bolivia after all these years to see his beloved America one more time. And surprise, surprise, he runs into a bit of trouble along the way. They wanted to book Paul Newman once again for the role of Butch Cassidy, but he gets horrible reception in his coffin.
Starring: Jessica Harper, Cliff De Young
"I don’t remember the original 'Shock Treatment,'" says dumb guy. That’s because you didn’t let us explain first, you idiot. This is actually a sequel to “The Rocky Horror Picture Show,” the movie with so much silhouetted tranny sex you’d think you died and went to Alfred Hitchcock’s cross-dressing brother’s house.
"The Jerk Too"
Starring: Mark Blankfield
Possibly the worst title for a movie that centers around the same character as the original, this made-for-TV flick was actually co-written by Steve Martin, but with someone else playing the title role. Does that automatically make it a terrible film? Yes.
"Return to Oz"
Starring: Fairuza Balk, Nicol Williamson
Released in theaters in 1985, this trippy sequel to the original “Wizard of Oz” follows an insomniac Dorothy (obviously not Judy Garland) six months after the events of the first film as she escapes the loony bin she’s been placed in and travels back to Oz to rescue the Scarecrow from the clutches of the Nome King, who has laid waste to the Emerald City. It sounds complicated, but get this: it syncs up perfectly with any '70s prog-rock album this time around, provided you’re on bath salts and drinking full bottles of mouthwash at the same time.
"Garfield: A Tale of Two Kitties"
Starring: Breckin Meyer, Jennifer Love Hewitt
If you think this one’s surprising, just imagine if Bill Murray did the voice of Garfield again! What’s that? Really? Garbage bags full of money, you say? Ah, now it makes perfect sense.
Next: 21 Great Guy Movies
"Cheaper by the Dozen 2"
Starring: Steve Martin, Bonnie Hunt
Remember that scene in “Cheaper by the Dozen” where Steve Martin has a lot of kids and some sort of hilarious high jinks ensue? Neither do we.