20 Movies Every Man Should See in 2012

2. Cabin in the Woods

Director: Drew Goddard

Stars: Chris Hemsworth, Richard Jenkins, Bradley Whitford

Despite being written and produced by geek guru Joss Whedon, this post-modern horror flick has been languishing in a studio vault since 2009 (in that time, star Hemsworth has gone from “Who?” to “Thor”). But Whedon and director Goddard (a writer on Buffy the Vampire Slayer) have promised that this movie is an attempt to steer horror away from torture porn and back to its roots, albeit in a mind-bending new way. Cabin may kick off with the single most overworked horror cliché – a group of friends go on an innocent camping trip – but it promises to be a whole lot more than “watch co-eds get hacked.” (April 13)

3. Lockout

Director: James Mather, Stephen St. Leger

Stars: Guy Pearce, Maggie Grace, Peter Stormare

A lot of movies deserve to be ridiculed because they so clearly wear their lame Hollywood pitch on their sleeve (“It’s Die Hard on a jitney bus!”), but every so often one comes along that makes you stand up and applaud. Lockout is, wait for it, “Die Hard…meets Escape From New York…IN SPACE.” Exactly. Guy Pearce is in full-on snarky badass mode (the dude has come a long way since The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert) as a loose cannon who is the only man brave/stupid/crazy enough to attempt to rescue the president’s daughter, who is being held captive following a riot on a futuristic prison satellite. Yippee-ki-yay. (April 20)

4. The Avengers

Director: Joss Whedon

Stars: Robert Downey, Jr., Chris Hemsworth, Chris Evans, Scarlett Johansson, Samuel L. Jackson, Jeremy Renner, Mark Ruffalo

This is it. The superhero All-Star Game Marvel Studios has been gradually building up to through Iron Man, Iron Man 2, The Incredible Hulk, Thor, and Captain America: The First Avenger. Nothing like this – essentially attempting comic book-like crossover continuity on the big screen – has ever been attempted, and everything about The Avengers promises to be epic. Thor’s wayward brother, Loki, has amassed an army (of aliens perhaps?) with the intent of conquering our planet and it’s up to Earth’s mightiest heroes to stop him. “Action-packed” is a given, but Whedon’s trademark snappy banter promises to be just as great – check out the trailer’s moneyshot kicker: Loki: “I have an army.” Tony Stark: “We have a Hulk.” (May 4)

5. The Dictator

Director: Larry Charles

Stars: Sacha Baron Cohen, Anna Faris, John C. Reilly, Ben Kingsley

The man who brought us Borat and Bruno returns with a story “loosely” based on a novel written by Saddam Hussein (not a joke). Cohen plays Admiral General Shabazz Aladeen, the despotic ruler of a small country called Wadiya, who goes to great lengths to prevent democracy from tainting his gilded fiefdom. Cohen keeps raising the stakes with each successive movie (he courted death, or at very least severe beatdowns, during the making of Bruno), and this move puts him squarely on top of a political powder keg. Should be a blast. (May 11)

6. Prometheus

Director: Ridley Scott

Stars: Michael Fassbender, Charlize Theron, Guy Pearce, Idris Elba, Noomi Rapace

Never mind the debate around what Prometheus is about (is it an Alien prequel? A remake? A reimagining?) - just focus on the fact that this is Ridley Scott’s much anticipated return to the sci-fi genre. Sure, you could frame-by-frame the trailer and note some very specific links to Alien, but even if it has nothing to do with chest-bursting xenomorphs, it’s still a heavyweight cast exploring the darkest recesses of the universe in a search for the origins of mankind. As long as Charlize gets a Ripley moment or two, we’ll be more than satisfied. (June 8)

7. Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter

Director: Timur Bekmambetov

Stars: Benjamin Walker, Rufus Sewell, Dominic Cooper, Mary Elizabeth Winstead

Did you know that, in addition to abolishing slavery and delivering the Gettysburg Address and all that, our 16th president also possessed superhuman axe-wielding prowess with which he dispatched legions of the undead? And yet, that’s not the thing we have the hardest time buying about this historical piss take. It’s that there’s no way Blade Abe could have been killed by a failed actor with a peashooter if he was used to hacking vampires like firewood. And there’s also no way Mary Elizabeth Winstead can honestly be playing Lincoln’s Hobbit-like wife. But it hardly matters. (June 22)

8. G.I. Joe: Retaliation

Director: Jon Chu

Stars: Dwayne Johnson, Bruce Willis, Channing Tatum, Adrianne Palicki, Ray Park, RZA, Jonathon Pryce, Ray Stevenson

The first G.I. Joe movie was…how to put this...not good. At all. But there is hope, and it just happens to be that hulking, half-Samoan kind of hope that makes every movie just a little bit better. Joining The Rock is Bruce Willis (yes, THE Bruce Willis), Adrianne Palicki (why oh why did that Wonder Woman pilot never air?), and the Wu-Tang Clan’s RZA. Need more? How about the Joe’s resident ninja, Snake Eyes, engaging in a full-on katana battle with a horde of assassins while rappelling down a mountain? We’re slowly forgetting about the first movie already… (June 29)

9. The Amazing Spider-Man

Director: Marc Webb

Stars: Andrew Garfield, Emma Stone, Rhys Ifans, Denis Leary, Martin Sheen, Sally Field

Is it unnecessary to “reboot” a franchise that’s barely seven years old? Yes. Is it hubris to declare your movie “the untold story” in the face of 60-plus years of comic book continuity, at least six different animated TV series, a Broadway play, and, again, not one but THREE enormous international blockbuster films? Absolutely. But director Marc Webb (haw) and star Andrew Garfield do seem to be tapping into a side of Spider-Man that Sam Raimi and Tobey Maguire didn’t – and that’s the idea that, in costume, Spidey is kind of an obnoxious (but funny) dick. And no matter how you slice it, Emma Stone is an improvement over Kristen Dunst. (July 3)

10. The Dark Knight Rises

Director: Christopher Nolan

Stars: Christian Bale, Gary Oldman, Michael Caine, Tom Hardy, Anne Hatheway, Morgan Freeman, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Marion Cotillard

The only movie that has a chance to challenge The Avengers for 2012 comic book movie supremacy is the third (and, according to Christopher Nolan, final) chapter in his Batman saga. From a headline-ripping plot (Gotham City’s poor rise up against its wealthy 1%) to hefty new villains (Tom Hardy’s Bane, who looks like a steroidal Darth Vader, and Anne Hathaway’s Catwoman, who looks like Catwoman) to the fact that Rises comes on the heels of the fan and critic-adored, billion dollar box office-earning Dark Knight – it all adds up to the biggest must-see of 2012. (July 20)

11. Neighborhood Watch

Director: Akiva Schaffer

Stars: Ben Stiller, Vince Vaughn, Johan Hill, Billy Crudup, Richard Ayoade

The track record for “vs. aliens” movies is spotty at best. Cowboys? Meh. Predators? Oof. In fact, we can only think of one really good recent example and that’s Attack the Block (hood rats vs. aliens). So why are we anticipating Neighborhood Watch, which basically pits suburban dads against extra-terrestrials? Because it was written by Seth Rogen and Evan Goldberg (the team behind Superbad), and it’s got an intriguing cast – the X-factor being Ayoade, who is a guy you should seriously get to know. He not only directed the coming of age comedy Submarine, but worked on amazing British comedies that you should YouTube immediately: Garth Marenghi’s Dark Place, The I.T Crowd, and The Mighty Boosh. (July 27)

12. The Bourne Legacy

Director: Tony Gilroy

Stars: Jeremy Renner, Edward Norton, Rachel Weisz, Joan Allen, Albert Finney

At first glance, trying to make a Bourne movie without Matt Damon looks like a flat-out bad idea. But Tony Gilroy did write all three of the original movies, and Jeremy Renner isn’t the worst person for Damon to hand the baton to (that would have been Taylor Lautner). In fact, Renner is proving to be effectively badass in his own right (The Hurt Locker, Mission: Impossible – Ghost Protocol). The lack of the “amnesiac spy” angle does render this a fairly generic espionage flick – one that is likely to be overshadowed by another iconic secret agent making his big screen return in 2012 – but it seems suitably kicky, punchy, and shooty enough. (August 3)

13. Total Recall

Director: Len Wiseman

Stars: Colin Farrell, Bryan Cranston, Jessica Biel, Kate Beckinsale, Ethan Hawke

This remake of the 1990 Arnold Schwarzenegger cult classic about a man, his ass, and his efforts to get said ass to Mars, stars Colin Farrell as the factory worker who begins to suspect he may in fact be some kind of spy involved in shady doings on the Red Planet. In the original, Rachel Ticotin engaged in a famous catfight with Sharon Stone. In this version, those roles (“Melina” and “Lori” respectively) are being played by Jessica Biel and Kate Beckinsale. Do with that information what you will. We plan on using it as an excuse to camp out for tickets. (August 3)

14. The Expendables 2

Director: Simon West

Stars: Sylvester Stallone, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Bruce Willis, Jet Li, Dolph Lundgren, Chuck Norris, Jean-Claude Van Damme, Terry Crews, Randy Couture, Liam Hemsworth

Read the above names and you tell us why we’re excited. Exactly! Stallone isn’t directing this time! All kidding aside (because we are honestly talking Simon “Con Air” West here), Sly has outdone himself with this action orgy sequel, raising the stakes to Chuck Norris/Jean-Claude Van Damme levels. Not to mention the suggestion that Arnold and Bruce will actually do more in this film than stand around and age. No idea what the plot is, but there's a very good chance that it won't matter a bit. (August 17)

15. Wettest County

Director: John Hillcoat

Stars: Tom Hardy, Gary Oldman, Jessica Chastain, Guy Pearce, Shia LaBeouf

If not for the Ewan McGregor drama Salmon Fishing in the Yemen, Wettest County would have the honor of “Worst Title of 2012.” But this film, about bootleggers running booze during the height of Prohibition, is definitely worth the effort it will take to order a ticket without snickering. You’ve got the suddenly ubiquitous (and for good reason) Tom Hardy as one of a trio of moonshining brothers facing off against Guy Pearce’s sheriff and Gary Oldman’s gangster. We repeat: Gary Oldman is playing a Prohibition-era gangster. Oh, the movie is also written by Nick Cave, who last teamed with director Hillcoat on the brutal western The Proposition.  This has got winner written all over it. (August 31)

16. Looper

Director: Rian Johnson

Stars: Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Bruce Willis, Emily Blunt

Underrated director Rian Johnson (did you see Brick? If not, you should) mixes a bizarre cocktail of mob movie and sci-fi time travel mind-bender. Joseph Gordon-Levitt stars as a hitman in the present working for the mob of the future (stay with us). Rather than sully their futuristic hands, the goodfellas send people back in time for Gordon-Levitt to whack. Things get even more complicated when his most recent target turns out to be his older, future self (played by Bruce Willis). We’re sure it’ll all make sense…someday. (September 28)

17. The Gangster Squad

Director: Ruben Fleischer

Stars: Ryan Gosling, Sean Penn, Josh Brolin, Emma Stone, Giovanni Ribisi, Nick Nolte

Nothing beats a hardboiled noir tale from the 40s and 50s, and Gangster Squad (directed by Zombieland director Fleischer) is about tough, fedora-sporting L.A. cops of that era trying to keep East Coast mobsters from heading out to the sunny climes of La La Land by any means necessary. Even better, the movie is cast with the exact people we want to see get hardboiled – if all goes well, Ryan Gosling, Sean Penn, Josh Brolin, and Nick Nolte may give L.A. Confidential’s Russell Crowe, Guy Pearce, Kevin Spacey, and James Cromwell a run for their hip flasks. (October 12)

18. Skyfall

Director: Sam Mendes

Stars: Daniel Craig, Judi Dench, Ralph Fiennes, Javier Bardem, Naomie Harris, Albert Finney

What more do you really need to know other than it's the new James Bond movie? Daniel Craig returns from the solid, but surprisingly unloved, Quantum of Solace as 007, and this time he’s got some serious A-List talent to contend with as Fiennes and Bardem join the globe-trotting mystery. Sam Mendes (Revolutionary Road) isn’t known for his action chops, but the guy does know how to tell a great story with great performances, so expect this Bond entry to be appropriately complex. Throw in 28 Days Later vet Harris as a field agent who believes she’s every bit as cunning and lethal as James (don’t call her a “Bond Girl”) and this is the biggest must-see no brainer of 2012. (November 9)

19. Kill Bin Laden

Director: Kathryn Bigelow

Stars: Joel Edgerton, Jessica Chastain, Chris Pratt, Harold Perrineau

Although this will undoubtedly have a different title by the time it hits theaters (some places are even listing it as “Untitled International Thriller”), it will also undoubtedly be awesome. Why? Because director Kathryn Bigelow and screenwriter Mark Boal’s last collaboration was a little movie called The Hurt Locker, and this one happens to be about how Seal Team Six pumped a lot of well-deserved lead into the carcass of the world’s most notorious terrorist. There are few details about who’s playing what, but Edgerton is snagging a lot of lead roles lately and there’s good reason for that. Bigelow may be about to do for his career what she did for Jeremy Renner’s. (December 19)

20. Django Unchained

Director: Quentin Tarantino

Stars: Jamie Foxx, Leonardo DiCaprio, Christoph Waltz, Kurt Russell, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Samuel L. Jackson, Sacha Baron Cohen

An old west-set story about a freed slave who becomes a bounty hunter thanks to the mentorship of a lethal German marksman and then sets out on a rescue mission to get his wife back from a sinister plantation owner would have us lining up even if it weren’t directed by Quentin Tarantino. But the fact that this is QT’s follow-up to Inglorious Basterds and it boasts a cast that rivals Expendables 2 pushes this from “highly anticipated” to “Want. Now.” Everyone knows Tarantino loves his spaghetti westerns, so aren’t you psyched to see what he’ll do once he actually has his hands on one? (December 25)